Using masturbation to otherwise occupy yourself while pressing matters await. I did a whole pile of that while I was trying to write this wiki entry. It helped.
Everyone procrastinates but only pure geniuses procrasturbate. Those of us who understand the power being using masturbation as a procrastination method are clearly ahead of our time. You could eat gallons of ice cream or watch multiple episodes of Star Trek (or both, which would really be the ideal in that situation), but where would that get you? Fat and super addicted to Star Trek. Where does masturbation get you? Well, it gets you awesome orgasms, it helps you lose weight (especially if you have a cigarette right after), and it helps you stay in the game. So long as you don’t masturbate in weird freaky ways like sticking your dick in between the mattress and the box spring and fucking the shit out of it. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but you’re likely to end up looking like some kind of fucked up Jiminy Cricket. Again, not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Those who do the most procrasturbating are those in the public service. There are a lot of boring times where you have to push a shit ton of paperwork through and yes there are some pressing matters but most of the time you’re just super bored at your cubicle trying to prefect your Tetris score and hoping your boss doesn’t catch you. And instead of having to go all the way to the washroom every time you want to rub one out, you can just keep a towel or a sock or a mug under your desk at work and just yank your dick out and jerk away all the while with your head set on, answering calls and forwarding them along. Just keep a file folder over your junk in case someone pokes their head in to invite you out for coffee. And while your regular porn sites are likely blocked, you can always go the old school route and keep a few dirty magazines in a file marked ‘Land Claims’ or ‘Safety and Security’ or ‘Gear Locker’ and no one will be the wiser.
The best part about procrasturbating is actually gets your blood moving and pumping and even though you may end up taking a two to three hour nap after you come, you’ll probably wake up with tons of new ideas for that project your working on.
1. Oh man. I was procrasturbating in the den and my wife thought I was working. I told her I didn’t want to fuck her because I was tired but now she thinks I’m gay. It doesn’t help that I actually am gay and would rather fuck Elton John’s ass than get anywhere near her pussy.
2. The last time I had an essay due I jerked off and got jizz all over my notes. I made my girlfriend lick them off in a schoolgirl outfit. Best procrasturbation ever.
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