Zygote Spraying is a slang term for male masturbation. A zygote is the combination of sperm and egg, so technically speaking, this slang term doesn’t really make sense. But then, neither does “blow job”. After all, shouldn’t it be called a “suck” job? Think about it.
Think about it.
I was raised Catholic and was taught that masturbation is wrong. Can you believe that shit? Feeling bad about one of the greatest things about having opposable thumbs?! God damned organized religion. What’s next? Getting parents to cut off the tips of their son’s cocks because “god” said so? Ridiculous. Oh, wait. Circumcision.
Well, don’t listen to them, kids. Masturbate all you want. Oh, you’ll want to find appropriate places and times for it. I once worked with a guy in a restaurant. He got so horny one night that he went out on the patio while it was empty and started masturbating while looking at the hot women in the restaurant.
He didn’t think they could see him, or he didn’t care. Either way, someone saw him and he ran off before they called the police. I had to cover for him in the kitchen, the selfish bastard. Why he didn’t just go downstairs to the prep kitchen and jack-off into the pancake batter like the rest of us is beyond me.
For really pleasurable masturbation, use lube. Spit, olive oil, shampoo all work. But for the best results, go to the local drug store and buy some sex lube. Feels great. Some of them actually heat up. They cost a little more, but you’re worth it, buddy. Blow the wad. Then blow your wad.
The internet’s porn has certainly revolutionized how and where men masturbate. Can you imagine buying porn these days? Or actually having to leave the comfort of your home and go to a porn theatre to see something you can crank it out to? Jesus. Porn theatres are rapidly becoming things of the past, but there still is one in my neighborhood.
I wanted to see what they are like, since I had never needed to be in one. I went in and the movie had already started. It was pitch black. I mean PITCH black. I guess they keep it that dark so you can’t see the guy down the row pulling on his cock. Plus, the seats have really high backs. They go well past the top of your head. I realized that this is so the guy masturbating behind you can’t hit you in the back of your head when he cums.
Smart.
1. After his first day of college, Ray raced back to his dorm room. Seeing all those new, young women in their hot shorts and tight shirts made him crazy. He wasn’t in his computer chair for two minutes before he was zygote spraying all over himself.
2. Pee-Wee Herman loves zygote spraying in public. Poor guy lost everything because he got busted.
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