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Zooerasty is sexual activity between a human being and an animal. It is also known as bestiality. You may think it’s rare and gross, but studies show that over 35% of men that grew up or lived on farms have had sex with an animal at one time or another. Who can blame them? Some of those goats are fucking hot. Why do you think “The Men Who Stare At Goats” stare at them?
Some see it as animal abuse. I say that if it’s done in a loving, caring way that also addresses the animal’s sexual needs, then it’s just a date. For men, you want to take great care with some animals if you’re going to have sex with them. They may not like it at first, and a lot of animals pack a hard kick. If you’ve got your pants down and your cock out, it could spell trouble if the animal gives a powerful back kick. Keep your eyes open.
And for women who are considering having sex with animals, keep in mind that if you’re going to fuck an animal with an oversized cock (horse, donkey, me), it could cause a lot of damage to your pussy. After all, you’re not built to take a two-foot cock at first. Work your way up to the horse by fucking animals of increasing cock size.
It should be noted that zooerasty is illegal in many places. Even where it is not illegal, it is almost universally frowned upon. I’m not sure why. I mean, if god didn’t want people to fuck dolphins, then why would he give them a blow-hole? And if he didn’t want us sticking hamsters up our asses, then why would he create Richard Gere?
I recently saw a video on the internet of a chimp taking a frog, forcing its mouth open, and masturbating with it. Sure, you can see this as mouth raping a defenseless frog. But I choose to see it as a chimp giving the frog some extra protein in its diet. Of course, after five minutes of hardcore mouth fucking, the frog died. But the chimp was in such a good mood for the rest of the afternoon, it’s hard to know if it was right or wrong.
Classic mythology has plenty of human/animal fucking. Pasiphae had sex with a bull after hiding in a wooden cow (just like the guy in “Top Secret”). Zeus turned into a swan and fucked Leda. Polyphonte fucks a bear and has half-bear kids. I think bestiality is where Sasquatch comes from. Andre the Giant probably fucked a moose on a drunken bender one night and voila! Same with the Abominable Snowman. Andre the Giant and a polar bear. That guy got around.
Rest in Peace, tiny dancer.
1. Something about the big red asses on the baboons at the zoo made Fred seriously consider some late-night zooerasty.
2. Kendra wasn’t sure if it was technically zooerasty when she let her golden retriever lick peanut butter off her pussy, but she knew she loved it.
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