Zipper morals isn’t a term one hears too often, but there are still two distinct and meaningful definitions that everyone should know.
The most commonly used definition for zipper morals is to indicate a person with loose morals, especially around anything sexual in nature. It can be used to describe both men and women, implying that they would be willing to unzip their fly and air out their genitals for pretty much no reason at all, in any given situation or location. A great example of someone with zipper morals would be a Leanne, or the male equivalent, a Steve. These individuals will not only have sex with literally anyone, but they’ll also engage in sexual activity or suggestive behaviour at the worst possible time.
For example, Leanne’s have been known to hit on the bride’s fiancé just hours after the bride asks her to be the Maid of Honor. Often times, she won’t stop flirting with this groom until the first consummation of marriage, at which point her moral compass kicks in and she finally registers that as being “inappropriate” or “wrong.” That doesn’t mean she won’t cop a feel on the groom’s ass while waiting in line at the Buffet table, or make lewd and inappropriate jokes at the generous size of his genitalia during the Maid of Honor speech. That is completely fair game, in the eyes of someone with zipper morals.
The male version of someone with zipper morals in a wedding scenario, would think it completely acceptable to hire a stripper (his duties as the best man), yet wouldn’t find it weird to hire the groom’s ex girlfriend, AND try and sleep with her after she’s done the performing. Steve would also find it totally ok to invite himself to the Bachelorette party and make the bride do body shots off his rock hard abs all night. In fact, a male with zipper morals wouldn’t even find it the slightest bit wrong or socially taboo to hit on a pregnant Mother while she’s in labour at the hospital. This is actually one of his favourite stomping grounds for picking up tail.
The other definition of someone with zipper morals refers to Catholic schoolgirls who are taught that premarital sex is wrong. Although they staunchly believe in celibacy until marriage, they’ve let their hard-core Christian morals slip into a grey area, where zipper sex is totally fine. Zipper sex, as defined on this site, can mean a variety of things but usually involves having non-penetrative, dry humping sex with a guy who still has his jeans on; in other words, she’s grinding his zipper until one of them eventually cums. Apparently, Jesus is totally down with zipper fly premarital, as long as the penis never bursts through the seam.
1. My best friend totally has zipper morals. He once unzipped his fly, took out his sweaty balls, and aired them out for half an hour before someone called the cops. We were at his nephew’s birthday party.
2. I’ve always been attracted to girls with zipper morals. There’s something about being hit on at a funeral that really turns me on.
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