Click To Enlarge
Yoni Worship is the act of worshipping the female vagina or genitalia in general, which is known as the Yoni. Yoni worshipping originated in ancient India, where the term Yoni comes from, but it has recently become a phenomenon in North America among hippy subcultures, yoga moms, feminists, midwives, and certain celebrities.
Yoni worshipping first became popular in North America in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s, when yoga, pot smoking, meditation, midwifery, and anything else hippy related started to flourish. Yoni worshippers believe that the vagina is a sacred temple and a fountain of life, especially because it is the entrance to the world for newborn babies. Yoni worshipers have various philosophies, practices, and rituals that they perform in order to honour the scared vagina, including prayer, meditation, tantric sex, and creating word art diagrams in the shape of gaping pussies on their website (see Yoni for site).
Recently, in Canada there have been numerous music festivals such as Ohm Fest, where hippies and drug users gather together to get high, have sex, listen to music, and feel like they are doing something important with their lives because on a day-to-day basis, they are not. It is here that the idea of Tantric sex first started to grow in Canada, where two people sit a few feet away from each other, meditating and focusing their sexual energy towards each other. Apparently, they achieve a level of orgasm without actually ejaculating or climaxing, which is obviously just the effects of the drugs they consumed. If I take 8 pills of E in one weekend, I feel all kinds of orgasms without actually cumming in my pants. During this tantric sex, the spirit of the Yoni is believed to be floating between the two hippies, giving them sexual blessings.
Since yuppies and hippies have popularized yoni worshipping, a lot of major celebrities have come forward and admitted that they are also followers of the great vagina. One notable example that shouldn’t surprise anyone is Tori Amos (she’s been a raging lesbian for years and I don’t care how many Neil Young covers she does). Another more surprising celebrity who is a self-proclaimed Yoni worshipper is Herman Caine. You may have heard of his recent sex scandals, which he vehemently denies. According to his PR reps, he is being persecuted for his religious beliefs of worshipping pussy. You see, he’s such a hardcore worshipper of the Yoni that when he made those advances towards his female employees, he was merely trying to please the spirit of the Great vagina. It was because of his great love for vaginas that he has been accused of sexual harassment, not because he’s a sexist republican pig who thinks any woman who makes less money than him is a prostitute.
1. When Herman Caine declared that he was a Yoni worshipper, Bill Clinton and JFK’s ghost both blurted out that they were Yoni worshippers too.
2. If you happen to meet a Yoni worshipper, NEVER go on a date with them or take them home. You’ll end up in bed watching her masturbate and talk to her Clit while you sit five feet away on the couch.
RELATED TERMS: