Yoni is an ancient Indian word that is used in a variety of ways for a variety of meanings, but the most direct and common definition is ‘vagina.’ The word could be used to literally mean a vagina, or it can be applied to anything that is related to or representative of the female vagina. It is a term that originates from Sanskrit and the ancient Hindu texts, and it symbolically means anything from womb or sacred temple, to divine passage or source of origin. Since it is the last barrier that a person pushes through when they are reincarnated and born again into human form, the Indians believe the Vagina is a holy receptacle to the world.

In contrast, the internet shows many representations of Yoni that are not so sacred, including Yoni mudpits, Yoni burps, and Yoni mudcakes. Yoni mudcakes are essentially congealed piles of menstrual fluid, formed into a puck or cake-like structure.  This is a much more common fetish in Japan, and I’m sure it would be punishable by death in India.

Of course, like any spiritual eastern cultural belief, white hippies and yoga yuppies all across North America have appropriated the Yoni for their own purposes and beliefs. Tantric sex, for example, a form of meditative sex that does not involve penetration or orgasm, believes that the Yoni is the focal point of energy during this practice. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, you have to be tripping out on Acid to actually enjoy Tantric sex. Other hippies and yoga Mom’s have tried to incorporate the Yoni into their teachings and annoying preaching that you can always overhear when you’re waiting in line at Starbucks. Seriously, when I’m waiting for morning coffee I don’t need to hear about how some dude named Ageet was able to ‘cleanse’ your ‘yoni’ through a spiritual guidance seminar that you paid 500 dollars for. And stop trying to recruit your friend standing next to you, because she isn’t buying it. Right now, she’s thinking about how Steve the construction guy jackhammered her yoni last night and made her cum four times. He was free.

For a hilarious visual/word related image of a yoni, check out yoni.com, where they have created a word bubble in the shape of a gaping vagina that includes all of the ‘sacred’ pretentious hippy definitions of a vagina. Don’t get me wrong, vaginas are fantastic, beautiful vessels, and I love sticking my dick into them, but I’m not going to meditate over a vagina. I did that all through high school every night before bed. (see: masturbation).

Whether or not you believe in the Yoni, or simply think a vagina is a dick sheathe, there are thousands, if not millions of yoni diehards out there who can’t stop talking about the piety of the female genitalia (see yoni worship).

1. Shira totally let me finger her Yoni last night after I told her I had a spiritual recollection of my initial entrance through my Mother’s sacred temple. I don’t even know what that means, but she came on my hand like 3 times.

2. There were so many hot Yoni’s in my yoga class last night. Whenever they do the downward dog pose, I want to mount them and show them some more doggie style moves.

RELATED TERMS:

Pussy

Vagina