Wood is a commonly used slang word for a male erection, popularized in bad 1980’s sitcoms, and elementary school washrooms across North America. The reason wood is synonymous with erection or ‘hard-on,’ is because a good erection is just as hard and sturdy as a length of oak lumber, or a doling made of pine. It is hard to believe, since all that happens during an erection is that the penis fills up with blood, but it’s true. What starts off as a flaccid piece of flesh as soft as a wet marshmallow, soon becomes as hard as a Billy club once the right stimulation comes along.

In fact, in order to prove or disprove the strength and durability of a solid wood, the popular TV show Mythbusters performed an experiment to determine the answer to the age-old question that man has been asking since the beginning of time; Can you actually break your dick?

The experiment was high tech and involved numerous steps and procedures that I won’t bother repeating, but suffice it to say that after plowing through 5 wooden baseball bats, two golf clubs, the current champion of the Iron Man competitions, 2 dump trucks, and a giant rock; it proved to be impossible to break the volunteer’s dick. As long as he kept hard, through constant visual stimulation from orgasm.com, then he was literally unbreakable.

1. Man, every time I listen to Mrs. Lereaux lecture in math class, I get a huge wood.

2. Once, when I was riding the bus home, I got a massive wood because the girl next to me kept rubbing her thigh against mine. When she finally noticed, I told her it was a hotdog I stole from the lunchroom.

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