Wank is a popular slang term used predominantly in Britain and Australia, which is usually applied to masturbation. One could use it as a verb, saying that “I caught my flat mate wanking it last night when I got home from work.” The term could also be used as a noun, saying, “There’s nothing I like better after 4 O’clock tea than to go to my room and have a good wank!” However one uses it, as long as you are in Britain or Australia then chances are it means jerking off or masturbating. Keep in mind, it is never used for female masturbation. They call that ‘wicking,’ most likely because the candle is an extremely phallic object, and was often used as a masturbatory aid by the Queen of England, long before dildos were invented by Americans. On a side note, the Queen was also a chronic masturbator, and actually paid for her own candle-making shop to be built inside the palace walls.
In England, as a direct side effect of the sexually repressive Victorian period, people have become more and more obsessed with sexual matters and strange sexual perversions and games. As a result, numerous games have been invented around wanking. The first wanking game is often performed by teenage boys, or adult men who still live with their parents. Dubbed ‘Wank goes the Weasel,’ or ‘Crying Wank,’ the game involves a young man wanking it in his bedroom, masturbating until he’s just about ready to ejaculate. But, before he climaxes completely, he has to shout at the top of his lungs for his Mother, asking her to come up stairs for a second. The goal of the game is to finish masturbating, ejaculate, clean up, and put your dick back in your parents before your Mother comes into your room. Not surprisingly, this game was created by a high school kid who was really into Freud.
Another common Wank game is called ‘Don’t wank Dad,’ in which a young teenage male places a photograph of his father directly in front of the computer screen as he jerks off to a single porno video of no shorter than 30 minutes in length. The object of the game is to continue masturbating until the video stops playing by maintaining eye contact with your father’s photograph (which will presumably delay orgasm, unless you’ve got daddy issues). If you cum before the video finishes, the implication is that you were aroused by the piercing eyes of your own father, and you ‘wanked your dad.’
With all the sexual games involving parents and orgasms, it is not surprising that British people have such horrible teeth. There must be some inbreeding happening somewhere along the lines, especially with the Royal family.
1. If my flat mate gives himself one more wank in front of the television set while I’m eating breakfast, I’m going to move out.
2. Karl never thought he’d have to wank off at work, but when he started working for orgasm.com, he just couldn’t help himself.
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