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Uteromania is an extremely strong sexual desire in women. It is based on the words “uterus” (meaning cunt), and mania (meaning Hulk Hogan is involved). I have never met any women that suffer from this, goddam it, but the search continues every day for myself and every other man on earth.
It is very similar to nymphomania in that it describes a woman who just needs the cock all the time. There can be many reasons for a woman to have uteromania, including medical disorders. Apparently, people suffering from Alzheimer’s disease and other neurological conditions can be affected by uteromania. No wonder all the old men at my grandma’s nursing home are always smiling and making obscene gestures at me when I go to visit her.
Grandma! You dirty, dirty girl!
Ah, why bother getting mad at her? She’s just going to forget all about it in a minute or two anyway. Just play some cards with her and sneak a couple of her pain pills into your pocket.
If you ever happen to get involved with a uteromaniac, thank your lucky stars and invest in a bulk supply of Viagra. She’s going to need a lot more sex than you’re used to supplying. Those little blue pills are going to become your best friend. Get a crate of Redbulls too. The worst thing you can do if you’re dating a uteromaniac is not provide her with the sex she wants. She’ll find it somewhere else, my friend, and then you’re shit out of luck.
Get yourself a shitload of sex toys and buy a lot of rechargeable batteries. When you can’t do it yourself, at least you’ll have some vibrators and rubber dongs for her to play with until you’re ready again.
I knew a girl in high school who was addicted to sex. I heard that during a ski trip she went on with during our junior year, she fucked every single guy on her bus. She didn’t fuck them on the bus, because the teacher was there. But once they were at the resort, she went to work. I felt bad for the guy that got sloppy thirtieths, but I was talking to him, and he said it was great. She was still a wildcat with him even though she had been pounded by thirty other guys over the previous week.
There is no known cure for uteromania, and thank god for that!
1. Harry was on a terrible streak of bad ex-girlfriends. His most recent, Doris, was extremely frigid. She’d only fuck him once or twice a month, and that was only for his sake. She’d open her legs and bear with it. He dumped her after three months of terrible blue balls and sexual disappointments. Then he met Lisa. Lisa had a bad case of uteromania. Harry was more than happy to try to keep up with her sexual appetites. She only stayed with him for a month, but it was the most glorious month of Harry’s life.
2. My wife does not have uteromania. She has Oreo-mania.
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