U Haul isn’t just a shitty, over-priced moving company with giant cube vans that break down all the time. It’s also a slang term in the LGTB community. If a woman is referred to as a U Haul, it means that she’s one of those girls who falls in love with their lesbian partners in a matter of days, moves into their apartment, plans out their future, and then moves back out a month later only to find a new “life partner” before the moving trucks even unload all her stuff. The term comes from the fact that these particular lesbians actually rent U Hauls for second dates and break ups.
U Haul can also be used to describe a large gathering of lesbian women in one place at one time. For example, if you’re at a typically heterosexual nightclub hoping to pick up some chicks, and suddenly an entire room of women come stomping in, then chances are it’s just a U Haul. Either that or you’re about to be filmed on a girls gone wild video.
U Haul is also used to describe an extremely rough type of anal sex, where an obese man kneels behind a petite, anorexic female, and plows her hard and slow from behind in the ass. For that poor little girl, it’s literally like getting hit by a U Haul, only you don’t have to pay for the gas that got you from the bar back to his place.
Sometimes, U Haul can also be used to describe a particularly boxy, awkwardly shaped vagina. It’s the kind of vagina that looks like it has two extra mud flaps hanging on the outside, and some sort of change purse or cinder block stuffed up inside. These types of vagina’s are known to swallow even the most well endowed men whole, hence the term U Haul, since you can practically fit everything into it but the kitchen sink.
In the dating world, if a man says that his date was a total “U Haul,” it’s probably referring to the time it took for him to actually get to home base. Since the U Haul trucks from the moving company are so unbelievably slow, it has become a term used to describe dating situations that take FOREVER to get laid.
In college and University days, I often used U Haul to describe a fleeting, one night stand. Whenever I knew that I was leaving town and moving to a new city, I’d go on a rampage sleeping with all the girls in town who I was secretly attracted to, but knew they were too ugly to bang without ruining my reputation among my drinking buddies. So, for the last few weeks of being in town, I’d bag myself a few U Hauls, ‘something I pick up on the way out of town.’
1. My sister is a total U Haul. I’ve helped her move 15 times in the past two years. The worst part is, she always makes me carry her gigantic box full of dildos and strap-ons. Those things are heavier than the pull-out couch!
2. When Judy went to University to study Women’s Studies, she became a total U Haul. I thought it was because she’s so emotionally needy, but she claims she was just trying to save money on rent and avoid student loans.
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