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Turkey Slurp is a common sex move originating from the Southern States, particularly Kentucky, Alabama, and strangely enough the gay community in New York City. The technical definition today is that a person who is performing oral sex on a man makes a loud turkey gobble sound while they suck on the penis, dubbed the ‘turkey slurp.’
The Turkey slurp started right around the Great Depression, in the 1930’s after the stock market crash on 1929 and the proceeding dust bowl that ensued across North America. At this time, so many men were out of work that they often lost their homes and families as a result. Either wives, mothers, and children would become so sick that they would die, or the wives would leave the husband and take the children with her, in search of a better man to pay her bills and feed the children. Thus, at this time, many of these men became lonely, single bachelors over night, left alone in solitude on their farm with nothing but a few stray chickens and turkeys to tend to, the cheapest form of livestock available.
Now, as depressing as all this sounds, the hilarious part is still to come. You’ve probably already guessed it, but the term turkey slurp comes from the acts of bestiality and sexual depravity that these men succumbed to, which was essentially throat raping all the turkeys on their farms late at night, because they were so horny without their wives around. You see back then, they didn’t have fantastic porn sites like we do today, and because it was the Great Depression, they didn’t have much of an imagination left either. Thus, they resorted to bestiality and turkey throat rape, the logical next step. The reason they chose turkeys instead of chickens was because the turkey neck was much more stable. After one or two tries with a chicken, they soon realized they were snapping its neck and wasting a valuable food source, but turkeys seemed to bounce right back. If anything, one could almost argue that the Turkeys enjoyed it a little.
So, there you have it folks. All across the Southern States during the 1930’s, one could hear the muffled gobbling sound of turkeys screaming and wailing while farmers stuffed dicks down their throats and ejaculated inside them, making that gobbling sound resemble a woman gurgling mayonnaise or whipped cream. Roughly 80 years later, after the world has seen two more economic recessions, the term turkey slurp is a simple trick performed by prostitutes, college sluts, and thanksgiving-enthusiast housewives eager to make their husbands happy on this holiest of holy days.
1. It is a tradition in our family, ever since we were kids, to sneak out into the hallway the night before Thanksgiving, and listen to our Mother give our Dad a Turkey Slurp. Then, around the family dinner table the next day, we imitate her mockingly as we jam drumsticks down our throats and make her cry with humiliation. It’s a blessed, family time we share.
2. Next time Jason gets a Turkey Slurp from his girlfriend Jennifer, he’s going to videotape it and send it out to all his friends as a Thanksgiving e-card.
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