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A topless bar is a striptease club. So, a place where the chicks go topless but they never quite get to the nitty gritty of their junk. It’s a tease. A sex club without the lap dances or the sex, but a whole lot of titties. Oh titties.
I’ve never been to a topless bar, just a regular strip bar, but I’d be happy to go to one. The only thing is that I’d be overly concerned with taking a good long stare at every pair of tits I saw because I love me some titties. It’s hard not to. They’re so round and firm and in your face. And when they’re real, all the better. Did you know that Katie Holmes has fantastic tits? You wouldn’t think so, cause she’s so friggin skinny, but there’s a movie (I forget the name of it and I haven’t actually seen the movie itself, just the one scene) where she’s basically just wearing shorts and this white button up blouse that’s unbuttoned in the scene and she’s fighting with some guy (I think it’s Kevin Bacon…no, it’s what’s his name…the gay dude from ‘As Good As It Gets’) and he keeps ripping her top open to expose her breasts. And Oh. My. God. They are amazing. You’d think they’d be all tiny and pointy, but they’re actually round and plump. They have a shape to them, a beautiful half-moon curve and her nipples are nice and perky and just sit perfectly in the middle (upper-middle, actually) of her tits and you can tell that the whole area is real because her boobs definitely move, but they just jiggle enough to prove to you that they’re real, but not enough to be slapping all over the place and knocking her unconscious.
But I digress.
Okay, I have to digress back. I love Katie Holmes. Like, she’s still too skinny to really want to fuck, but I fell in love with her back when she was that teenager from the wrong side of the tracks on Dawson’s Creek, and I fell even deeper in love with her when she was in Thank You For Smoking. And I’m willing to look past the whole Tom Cruise fiasco, especially now that I know she has such smokin hot tits. There’s something about her. She’s sassy and a bit of a firecracker and kinda sexy but also kind of girlish and isn’t the best actor but isn’t bad and sometimes she can really nail it (though her best roll really was Joey in season one of Dawson’s creek).
All this to say that I wish she worked at a nearby topless bar so I could stare unabashedly at her perfect perfect tits.
1. If I opened up a topless bar, I’d call it Titties for Tourists. Oh, and I’d open it in Hawaii.
2. Tits are for titillating and tantalizing, not for trivializing. Come to Titties for Tourists and enjoy a true vacation. Don’t forget to tip, you cheap bastard.
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