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Sniff Row is a slang term for the front row of seats in a strip club. Also known as “Ho Row” or “Pervert Alley”, it is as close as you can get to the dancer’s pussy without paying extra. To get even closer, of course, is a simple matter of putting a twenty in your mouth and lying down on the stage. Then she’ll grind her cunt in your face for a few seconds while she lies on top of you. At least, that’s what I hear…
Sniff row is a great place to sit, but you have to be able to look like one of three types of people. First, you can look like an old pervert who hasn’t had a woman in his whole life, and who is probably going to murder the next Girl Scout that comes to his door to sell him cookies. Then he’ll dress up in her scouts outfit and run through the local mall until police are forced to shoot him.
Second, you can look like a rowdy frat boy. You have to whoop it up and spill your beer and generally make an ass out of yourself. Turning your ball cap around backwards so you can stick your face into the stripper’s cunt is a must.
Last, you can look like Nicolas Cage. In fact, the next time you’re at a strip club and you’re sitting in Sniff Row, look on both sides of yourself. Odds are that Nicolas Cage is sitting there. Feel free to ask for his autograph. I’m told he’s very approachable.
1. For Gary’s bachelor party all the guys took him to the strip club, and they all lined up on Sniff Row. Gary’s brother Ken had recently been permanently blinded during an industrial explosion at the Whoopee Cushion factory, but still wanted to join the party. They sat Ken at the front of the stage, and even though he couldn’t see a thing, knew whenever a dancer’s cunt was right in front of him, because of the smells. He told Gary later that he considering committing suicide until that night reminded him that he could still use all his other senses to appreciate poontang. Gary didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was just one of the other guys waving a dead fish in front of his face every now and then for a laugh.
2. It was Molly’s first night as an exotic dancer at the strip club. She was very nervous as she walked out onto the stage and saw a full house looking up at her. Luckily, her dad was there in Sniff Row to support her. Whenever she got too scared, she’d just look over at him, and that would be enough to calm her down and continue sliding the double-ended dildo into her pussy and asshole simultaneously. She made over four-hundred dollars that night and only half of that was from dad!
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