Sloppy Seconds is a sex term that has a lot of negative connotations these days, and today I’m going to quell those judgmental attitudes and ridiculous myths.
Sloppy Seconds simply refers to having sex with a woman who just had sex with another person, right before you did. Her previous sexual encounter could have been anywhere from a few minutes ago to twelve hours before you penetrate her, but the main rule is that she usually hasn’t showered in between.
The reason its called “sloppy” seconds is pretty obvious if you’ve ever been next in line for a particularly licentious vagina. When you get in there, there is often a frothy, fish-smelling substance already oozing out, which is actually a combination of the other guy’s semen and the woman’s hour-old, Mother Nature’s Lube. It’s a very distinct substance, resembling a bowl of whipped marshmallows or curdled yoghurt.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. This all sounds pretty disgusting. But let me remind you of the plethora of benefits to being the number 2 guy on a girl’s booty call list.
First of all, there is the performance issue. Chances are, the previous guy is the person she really wanted to fuck in the first place, but he turned out to be incredibly lame in bed. So, she’s still all revved up from him, but hasn’t unwound yet, so she calls you to do the trick. Assuming you’re not a minuteman in bed, you’ll end up looking like a total rockstar because you finished the deed when the first man wasn’t able to. Now, if you do happen to cum as easily as a pre-teen videogamer, then you can still benefit from sloppy seconds if the first guy happened to be a decent lay. If she’s still hopped up on orgasm juice from her first fuck, then she’ll barely even notice when you only penetrate her for a fleeting, panting, four and a half minutes.
Another amazing benefit of sloppy seconds relates to the age-old game that promiscuous women like to play, called ‘Who’s the Daddy?’ If you’ve ever accidentally ended up playing this game, you’ll know how stressful it can be, and you’ll also know how hard it is to prove that your little simmers were the ones who drowned, unless she agrees to a DNA test, which they rarely do. Anyway, like I said before, chances are the woman picked her dream man for her first fuck, and you’re just the stunt cock who came in later to finish the job. So, if she ends up barefoot and pregnant in a few months, who do you think she’s going to call for a shotgun wedding and some fatherly presence? It sure as shit won’t be the stunt cock who happened to walk her home from the party after she got plowed in the washroom by the only man she ever loved. So, you’re in the clear. Even if a DNA test proved to her that you’re actually the father, just remember, YOU were the sloppy seconds too. You’re not father material.
1. I’m really more of a main course kind of guy, but if I’ve had a few drinks, I don’t mind some sloppy seconds.
2. The grossest part about sloppy seconds are when you find some stray blonde pubes, and both you and the girl are red heads.
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