Sexpert is a professional term used to describe someone who is an expert on sexual matters. Sexperts are normally very expensive, especially if they are a certified sexual therapist. A sexpert’s job is to help patients with sexual issues, but also to study and do research on sexual issues. Many of the common topics of study for sexpert researchers include common fetishes, premature ejaculation, the psychology of infantalism, or the trends in use of masturbatory aids among teenage males. In fact, most pornography makers seek out marketing advice from sexperts, which is why so many fart pornos exist. If people weren’t going to their sexperts and sex therapists with this fucked up fetish, then the Brazilian porno industry would never have filmed that stuff. Let’s face it, if it’s been made into a porno, then at least 20% of all people like it.
Other sexperts seek out evidence to prove or disprove common urban legends and sexual myths. For example, in 1998, a sexpert out of California proved that condoms physically shrink a man’s penis during intercourse, and that all Asian girls are secretly nymphomaniacs. He also proved that anal sex does not damage a woman’s anal cavity, and that performing cunnilingus on a woman during her period is, in fact, the number one leading cause of Cannibalism in North America. He even managed to find evidence suggesting that college girls score higher grades and obtain better paying jobs after graduation if they are sexually promiscuous during their freshman year.
There are two different types of sexperts, both of which are extremely helpful for anyone seeking sex advice. First of all, there is the legitimate sexpert, who is technically trained and legally certified; someone who spent 4-7 years obtaining a degree on sexual matters. This is a great resource for anyone with sexual problems, but unfortunately they are very difficult to find. There are only 3 known sexperts in the entire city of Toronto, and those three are very expensive counselors.
The second type of sexpert is actually free, and extremely common. Nearly everyone knows at least one of these sexperts. These are the guys or girls who have been getting laid since they were in elementary school. The ones who have tried every sexual position, technique, fetish, or role-play imaginable. The kind of guy or girl who could probably steal your spouse if they wanted to, and convince you that it’s a healthy form of experimentation. These are usually a best friend, old college roommate, or slutty co-worker, and all of these individuals are fair cheaper and more fun to seek counsel from if a sexual problem occurs.
1. My friend Dave is a total sexpert. He once picked up three chicks at the bar, convinced them to have a foursome, and even got one of them to secretly film it.
2. When I couldn’t get an erection anymore without watching a seriously violent Snuff film, I decided it was time to talk to a Sexpert. Naturally, I called my friend Dave.
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