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The Tyrannosaurus Rex, or great tyrant lizard, was the king of the land carnivores millions of years ago. He roamed his large territory with tiny arms and a massive mouth, devouring whatever he wished. His goal: to eat. His brain: tiny and filled with thoughts of eating. His motivation: eating anything that moved and was made of meat.
The Sex T-Rex, or great fucking nympho, is the king of the bed and beyond. Anywhere between the ages of 15 and 85 years old, he thinks only of sex and how to experience sexual intercourse every hour of the day. His territory is large, spanning essentially the entire globe. His goal: to fuck. His brain: average and devoted entirely to sex. His arms are mainly used for petting, fingering, or balancing while humping. He is motivated by any female that moves and is willing to touch him.
It should be noted that the Sex T-Rex is not necessarily the Rico Suave of sex. He may not have the best moves or the biggest junk. He might not even have the charisma or sweet-talking lines to land a honey. He is called the Sex T-Rex because his mind is devoted to copulation. He may even go hungry and starve due to the lack of importance placed upon other primal needs.
The Sex T-Rex has many other drawbacks to his condition. Family reunions are awkward and offensive. Second and third cousins often run and scream, flailing limbs as they do so, only enticing the Sex T-Rex more. Any movement created by limbs, tits, hair flowing, or high-heels sends the Sex T-Rex into a sex frenzy. Aunt Lois and Uncle Tom will NOT be impressed… although they are from Alabama so they may in fact encourage the behavior!
There are a few benefits of being a Sex T-Rex: going to the dentist for a double root canal, for example. The Sex T-Rex is so absorbed with getting laid that they can breeze through a painful surgery or extraction, no sweat! While the dental hygienist is leaning over the Sex T-Rex, her tits almost falling out of her little buttoned-up smock, he is thinking of those mounds and imagining his face in between them, or dick pumping through them. Regardless, his mind is far from the searing pain of the drill, let alone that horrific sound of metal on bone. Although he will have to watch the bone in his pants, as this can drastically alter the mood in the room (or a follow-up appointment).
A Sex T-Rex is made, not born. They sometimes spawn from a mother who works at Hooters or any neon-light strip club, and a father who met his mother at said strip club. They can be raised by hot Spanish nannies or are taught by fresh-out-of-college teachers in short skirts and glasses. The Sex T-Rex has no choice in his brain’s consumption of thoughts – he is an animal and will stop at nothing to release the sexual endorphines in his brain.
1. My last boyfriend was a Sex T-Rex. We were together until he devoured his secretary.
2. The Sex T-Rex was feared by everyone at the bar because they knew he’d stop at nothing to bang the bartender.
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