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No, this isn’t a real card. You can’t punch a hole in it and wear it around your neck on a lanyard. You can pull it out of your fancy-shmancy business card holder during a lunch meeting with a gorgeous big-tittied client. You can’t pull out the card in a raunchy strip poker game with the mediocre neighbor chick across the hall. And please don’t think you can stamp it and send it to your girlfriend as a sorry for the pitiful lay you were last night. The sex card only benefits one person: the one who holds it. And that ain’t you; it’s her.
A sex card is a non-tangible thing that allows women to hold sex over men in exchange for pretty much anything. It’s the method by which women only put out to get what they want (and rarely need). They alone hold this magic, sacred card; the upper-hand. And since men always want to nail a broad more than they want to hear what she ate that day, the chicks gain the power. For some unknown reason, the fairer sex can hold out way longer, and can do this for the following manipulative reasons.
Let’s tackle the first reason: material objects. Women love things. Possessions. Stupid little knick-knacks crap. Gifts of all shapes and sizes. They’ll hold out for a necklace, lingerie, or even to see a ridiculously bad romantic comedy at a packed theater with other morons sitting right on top of you while they talk through the whole horrible thing and surf Facebook.
Women can also play the sex card for bigger things: a car, vacation to the Bahamas, or plain old money. Why wouldn’t some shmuck think “if I take her to a white sandy beach, she’s got to spread ‘em!” Not necessarily, gentlemen.
The sex card is played more often than not for the unimaginable – commitment. You have no idea how many men end up marrying a chick just because she holds out long enough for him to buckle and get down on one knee. And let me tell you – most of them regret the wait and refuse to admit it was a bad idea.
The sex card can also be seen as a power struggle. Say you’re in a relationship with a woman who’s pretty average – just about as average as you are. She holds out and what do you do? Pick up some short-skirted rando at a basement Irish pub who will be glad to take a pounding. Your chick is gone the very next day by sending a mere text message. Yet if you’ve managed to snag some sought-after chesty redhead who gives you blowjobs before work every day, you’ll want to hold on to that one as long as you can. Problem is, she’ll understand the situation pretty quickly. She’ll play the sex card and get you to bend over backwards just for the chance at another piece. Doesn’t seem fair, does it? Well it isn’t. Get over it.
1. She played the sex card so much I had to ditch her. Too bad she gave mindblowing bj’s.
2. If I play my sex card right, he’ll have to propose by new year’s eve.
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