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Sex camping is a useful trick for teenagers that can’t find anywhere to fuck. Both sets of parents are home, so they’d catch you doing it there. Doing it in the car is uncomfortable, and you want to try those new positions you saw in the porn you watched last night. It’s time for sex camping! You take a tent out in the woods somewhere, set it up, and fuck until you’re both spent. Then you pack it up again and head home. No one is the wiser, unless you’ve still got that three foot smile on your face.
However, there are some tips you should be aware of before you try sex camping. By following these tricks and pointers, it should make the experience much more pleasurable and less likely you’ll get busted by anyone.
First, get isolated. The walls of a tent are so thin that any noise you make is going to be heard nearby. Find yourself a very isolated place before setting up the tent. In fact, driving around during the daytime to scout potential locations will make it much easier that scrambling around looking for somewhere appropriate with a big boner and your girlfriend’s tongue in your ear.
Second, don’t get lost. It’s no good driving around in the back country and then hiking into some farmer’s forest to have sex in a tent, only to pack up when you’re finished to realize you have no idea where you are. Plus, your brain will be incapacitated from the orgasm, so you won’t have all your wits about you. Know your way out and your way home. Bring a flashlight and a compass if you need it.
Third, know your plants. It would suck to traipse out into the woods for some sex, only to get poison ivy on yourself. Explaining that to the parents could get tricky. Speaking of plants, make sure to clean out the tent before you head out for camping sex. If your tent is anything like my tent, it’s got dirt and pine needles and spiders still in there from my last camping trip. You don’t want that shit getting in between you and your fuck friend. Clean it up!
Speaking of cleaning up, don’t forget to take your used condoms with you. Nothing spoils a nice patch of nature like a jimmy filled with some guy’s man milk. Hike it out and flush it when you get home. And, if you don’t want to get busted, take a shower as soon as you get home. Otherwise mom will ask why you smell like the woods and tuna.
Oh, and body fluids break down sleeping bag material. Use blankets instead.
Sex camping makes happy campers!
1. Les Stroud from Survivorman knows all about sex camping. He makes a condom out of a coconut and some ants.
2. Don’t go sex camping in bear country. They can smell the sex odors and will eat you.
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