A Sex Camel is a horrid beast that is usually female, and is often both the envy, and the ridicule of, every single man out there who is perpetually horny. A sex camel is a person who can go for extremely long periods of time without having any sex whatsoever. Similar to a Camel storing water, this woman stores her sexual satisfaction and stimulation up somewhere in her body, most likely her breasts, labia majora, or lymph nodes.
Sex camels are extremely dangerous to most men, partially because they are so difficult to identify. On the surface, sex camels look like the average, 3 times a week college slut; yet somehow they are secretly masking the fact that their vagina is a dried up prune, and they haven’t had sex since Monica Lewinsky last spread her legs (despite popular belief, Monica Lewinsky was not actually a whore. She hasn’t had any physical contact with another human being since Bill Clinton gave her one last finger fuck under the table while their lawyers argued for a settlement. She is the epitome of a sexual camel; only she is forced to abstain because she’s so fucking ugly).
It is important that if you ever identify a sexual camel, especially one who is somewhat attractive, that you immediately notify every mutual male friend within a 50 mile radius. If you don’t, your best friend could spend weeks or even months trying to break open the water sac of this frigid beast, only to fail time and time again. If he had only known ahead of time that the object of his desire could withstand sexual tension better than a Chinese prostitute can withstand throat fucking, then perhaps he wouldn’t have wasted so much time hitting on her.
No one is quite sure why sexual camels go for as long as they do without having sex. Sometimes, they are the domesticated type who refuses to sleep with anyone unless it’s their long-term boyfriend, BUT because their standards are unbelievably high or because they’re extremely high maintenance, they only find themselves a boyfriend about every 5-10 years. Other sexual camels are simply frigid carcasses of wasted vagina rotting on the couch watching re-runs of Mad About You, while many other sexual camels have simply been burned before and don’t trust men any longer.
If you’re looking for advice as to which sexual camel would be the best target, definitely go with the bruised and emotionally battered. The faster you can prove to that damaged little donkey that you’re ‘one of the good guys,’ the sooner you can be knee deep in a vaginal cavity that hasn’t been opened since my elementary schools grade 8 graduation time capsule. Trust me, it will be well worth the wait. There’s an old saying in Arabic that translates roughly into, A Camel rarely drinks, but when she does she drinks for days.
You get the idea.
1. After Uncle Herb married Aunt Martha, she became a total Sex Camel. Uncle Herb, on the other hand, became a ‘John.’
2. If you finally manage to force a sex camel to take a drink, don’t expect the Gobi Desert down there. It’d probably look a bit more like a national park full of Douglas Furs.
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