This is something, a personal item, that you take with you after a night of wild lovemaking, after a booty call, or a one-night-stand. You take these things without the original owners’ knowledge. It could be a t-shirt, CD, lighter, hairbrush, etc., that belonged to the person you just hooked up with. Sort of like a ‘souvenir’ of the encounter. This is something that a lot of people like to do because it keeps the memory of that particular encounter alive. So when you’re eighty-years-old and in a nursing home you can look fondly upon your collection of Bon Jovi CDs or Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts and think, ‘this represents the hotness that I flaunted in my twenties’.
The only thing I’ve ever taken from a former lover was a copy of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. We watched it together at three in the morning when we were too drunk to have sex but too dizzy to actually pass out. We drink coffee and ate Macdonald’s happy meals and watched the movie. Then we went to the bedroom to crash, but ended up having crazy messy drunk sex. I woke up to his fiancé’s voice on his answering machine letting him know she was on her way over to pick him up for the big family brunch. He freaked out and started throwing my clothes at me, begging me to get dressed. I told him to calm down, that it was tradition for the maid of honour to fuck the groom. While he was tearing through the house trying to find and destroy all evidence of me I yanked his copy of Ferris Bueller. I couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if my best friend hadn’t called him before coming over. They ended up divorcing two years later and we fucked on the night the divorce went through. My friend and I were no longer speaking (she did end up finding out about our affair, though it wasn’t because of us. His best friend blurted it out to her when he was drunk and trying to fuck her) and I made sure to give him several blow jobs that night, something she was never willing to do. He never did ask for his movie back and to this day I still have it. Well, we have it. It’s in our shared collection of videos down in the family room.
1. I totally took a pair of that slut’s underwear after she fell asleep. Now I’ve got a screwvenir from our night together. I just can’t wait to get home tonight so I can try them on and see how they look on me.
2. Once I was dating this guy who had just gotten a kitten. She was such a beautiful striped grey and white kitten and I was totally in love with her. He dumped me and I took her as a screwvenir. I’ve had her for two years now and she’s the most important thing in my life.
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