Sadist is a person who gains pleasure by inflicting pain on other people. The act of Sadism can come in many forms, most of which are sexual in nature. This could include ball stomping, whipping, burning, cutting, slapping, putting cigarettes out on people’s chests, squirting lemon juice in their eyes, or aggressive sodomy with household objects. We’ve all met a Sadist at one point in our lives, even if we’ve never fucked them. There are three general types of Sadists; the creeper, the sneaker, and the trash.

The Creeper (usually male) is the person who is overtly creepy on a day-to-day basis, often making inappropriate, dryly humorous sexual jokes at the office or on campus. They usually have gigantic eyes, long coats, and a voice that sounds like a blend between Ernest (yes, from the Ernest movies) and David Bowie. Often named Clyde, Damian, or Rufus, these individuals are obviously into S&M, whether or not you have any proof or first hand accounts. You can just tell.

The Sneaker, however, is the exact opposite. The Sneaker is an individual who seems shy, sexually conservative and old-fashioned, or extremely timid. However, once you get them alone in a sexual encounter, they start ball stomping, talking dirty, and tying you to the corners of the bed as they unpack their bag of “tricks.” Common female sneakers include pretty much any Asian schoolgirl or FOB, an unattractive librarian, and the Betty homemaker type you see in 1950’s American nuclear families. If a sneaker is a male, they usually come off as slightly effeminate, extremely respectful towards women, and rarely into sports. In high school, these men were most likely drama majors or lead musicians in the choir. Either that, or they were Christian schoolboys who spearheaded Youth Group programs and Bible camp in the summer.

Finally, the Trash is exactly what you expect; Euro-trash. We all know the type. Male or female, these individuals dress like slightly Gothic, slightly hipster, slightly punk douche bags, smoke really thin cigarettes, drink nothing but red wine, and talk about bands from the 80’s no one has heard of. These individuals are ALWAYS Sadists or Masochists, even if they don’t actually enjoy it. Partially because they think it’s cool to be kinky and sadistic in bed, (and it is), and partially because that’s the reputation their appropriated European background gives them, these individuals will engage in Sadistic sexual acts for years, often holding back the tears as they whip their partner and stub cigarettes out on their chest, because in reality, they just want some good old-fashioned American Missionary.

Now, whether you’re into Sadism, Masochism, or a combination of the two, it is extremely important to always create a Safe Word with your sexual partners prior to getting out the Gimp masks and whips. We don’t want anyone to do something they didn’t want to do. Remember: We’re into physical scarring, not emotional scarring.

1. Xian Lu was a total Sadist. She did things with chopsticks I’ve never even seen in Hentai cartoons.

2. I wish I had known Clyde was a Sadist. I’ll never smoke another cigarette again.

RELATED TERMS:

BDSM

S&M