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Performing analingus on a man while simultaneously giving him a handjob. If you need to have this image spelled out for you, here it is: it’s as though the recipient’s anus is the mouthpiece of the trombone, and his dick is the slide.
Commander William Riker, from the television series Star Trek: The Next Generation, played the trombone in more than one episode. He was pretty good at it, too. Whether or not he ever played the “Rusty Trombone” is officially unknown, but we’re pretty sure a few bottles of that famous Romulan Ale must have been served at some those poker games he played with Worf, Geordie and Data, and we bet some crazy-ass shit must have gone down when the senior officers were totally slizzered. The final frontier is a long ways away from Hooters, dude.
Of course, that makes us wonder if anyone has ever written any fan fiction about Counselor Deanna Troi playing the Rusty Trombone on Riker. And if there isn’t, then what the fuck is keeping all you horny chumpstains out there from getting the job done? Holy fuck, it practically writes itself. Deanna to Will: “Hey Will, why don’t you put that thing down and let me play the trombone for you?” See? It’s easy! Get with the program, people.
1. I asked Viviane to play “Love Me Tender” on my Rusty Trombone, but it ended up being more like “Blowin’ in the Wind.”
2. Archeologists have discovered a mural depicting a man performing a Rusty Trombone on another man in the ruins of Herculaneum. Since the ancient Romans didn’t have modern trombones, they are calling the painting, “The Rusty Sheep’s Horn.”
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