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The Roman War Helmet is when you place you nutsack on a girl’s forehead and your dick shaft down her nose, resembling a classic roman war helmet. It is something that makes a woman look both beautiful and powerful, like she is ready for love or war. Every woman should have at least one picture of herself wearing the Roman War Helmet on her boyfriend’s phone, so he can show off to his friends how he is dating a modern day Amazon warrior-beauty.
The Roman War Helmet can also be done by putting each testicle onto each of her eyes, and your erection along her nose, if that positioning is more comfortable for you and her. Play with it. Just like there are many different Roman War helmets over the Roman Empire’s duration, so you can design your own favorite with your lady.
In fact, if you’ve got a big dick, then you’re Roman War Helmet will look more like the Corinthian style of helmet, which had the elongated nose protection piece. If you’ve got a stubby little dick (not judging), then your style will be more of a Chalcidian helmet, which had a smaller nose protection piece. The Chalcidian Helmet was actually considered to be a superior helmet since it improves vision and hearing. So there you go, Pee-Wee.
It’s actually not a big deal if a dude has a little dick. I’ve always maintained that a woman’s pussy strength is what is at issue when it comes to penis size. If her pussy muscles are strong, then she can grip any sized cock hard and give it a good ride. If she complains that your dick is small, what she’s really saying is that she has a sloppy, weak pussy. Tell her to work on her Kegels.
The Roman War Helmet is similar to the teabag, in terms of limited sexual feeling, but maximum hilarity. If your lady is game to let you give her the helmet, make sure to take a few pictures for posterity.
I suppose if your lady has a strap-on dildo, she could give you the Roman War Helmet too. Make sure that if it’s a vibrator, that the batteries are switched off. It’d be a shame for it to vibrate and poke your eye accidentally. Stay safe, kids.
If you’re like me, while your astride your lady’s head giving her the RWH, you’ll be tempted to fart into her hair. There’s just something about sitting on a woman’s head that begs for you to fart on it. Resist at all costs. If you don’t, she’ll never let you try anything this funny again.
Unless it’s a silent fart. In that case, let fly, bro.
1. Brad Pitt gave Angelina Jolie the Roman War Helmet after filming Troy.
2. Boris tried to give his wife a Roman War Helmet while she was sleeping because he knew she’d never let him do it to her while she was awake.
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