A Roman Engagement is when a gay man has sex with another gay man who is an anal virgin. In other words, when you pop a dude’s anal cherry, that’s a Roman Engagement. It is based on an old Roman poem entitled, “Meaticus Maximus Deflowers Buttockus’ Clench”. Here’s an excerpt from the 2,311th stanza, where Meaticus is just about to perform the Roman Engagement on Buttockus:
(I translated it myself, so if it’s not 100% accurate, feel free to inform your local magistrate.)
Lo, the moon hung low, like a testicle in the sky
And Meaticus lay his lover down on the silken sheets
And stuck his big toe into Buttockus’ mouth
Because he liked to fellate dude’s feets.
Then Meaticus spread Buttockus’ ass cheeks wide
To reveal his brown, tight hole
He pulled down his toga that looked like
It had a huge tent pole.
Meaticus spit on the head of his mighty dong
And Buttockus held his breath – he knew where it went
When Meaticus pushed inside of Buttockus’ cave
It was a beautiful Roman Engagement.
Buttockus walked funny for days after that
But never without a smile
For Meaticus had been gentle with him
While gradually stretching him out a mile.
-“Meaticus Maximus Deflowers Buttockus’ Clench”, excerpt
A beautiful tale about friendship, trust, lube, and love. I recommend renting the Hollywood film based on the poem. It’s a reimagining called “Brokeback Mountain”, and it came out a few years ago. I believe it was Heath Ledger that played the Meaticus Maximus role. Poignant and challenging to your work-a-day middle American. An important film, retelling a more important poem.
The key to anal sex is always patience and lube, but especially when you’re dealing with a virgin asshole. A hole that isn’t used to incoming sensations will undoubtedly feel some discomfort the first time there is a pink missile entering inside it. It’s the same way a vagina feels some pain the first time it gets fucked. But, after some practice, the ladies can’t live without the dick. Same thing with a butt hole.
If your cock is as big as mine, you might want to get the asshole in question used to getting fucked by using a series of dildos first. When my girlfriend was an anal virgin, I started her off with an ass-dildo the size of a thumb, and worked up. Eventually it wasn’t too crazy to stuff my thick, long dick inside her crust cave. It was still a little painful for her, of course, but after a while she couldn’t live without it. Good times.
As always, remember to communicate, practice safe sex, and lube that fucker up. You’ll be balls deep before you know it! Try to hit the dude’s prostate while you’re giving him the Roman Engagement. It’ll make him cum if you do it right.
1. Francois grabbed Rene and kissed him passionately. It was time for his Roman Engagement.
2. How old was Macaulay Culkin when Michael Jackson gave him his Roman Engagement?
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