A Roll in the Hay is an olde-tyme way of saying sexual intercourse. It is based on an expression in the 1595 poem “Now is the Month of Maying” in which the author calls it a “barley break”. The author, Thomas Morley, was alluding to young men and women in the spring going off into the barley fields for some sexual intercourse. For the agrarian society back then, everyone would have known what sneaking off into the fields meant.
I grew up on a farm, so I can tell you that even today young men and women are taking blankets out into the fields to have some sexy times. Nowadays they’re hopefully practicing safe sex by having the guy spray his cum all over the corn or whatever is growing, rather than up the lady’s vagina.
And who knows – maybe next season there’s a half corn/half human monstrosity growing out where you sprayed your load. Then you can sell it to the local traveling circus for a pretty penny. It’ll be shown and mistreated in the freak show, just like the Elephant Man was. I wonder if he had elephantiasis everywhere. If so, he must have been a hit with the ladies. He could really “pack” a “truck” if you know what I mean.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
In case you don’t think that old time poetry is relevant, I’ve decided to give you a line-by-line translation into modern lingo so you can see that it can still speak to today’s generation:
Now is the month of maying, (Now is the time for sex)
When merry lads are playing, fa la, (When horny guys are looking, hell ya)
Each with his bonny lass (Each with a slutty girl)
Upon the greeny grass. Fa la. (Smoking some chronic herb, hell ya)
The Spring, clad all in gladness, (Spring means short skirts)
Doth laugh at Winter’s sadness, fa la, (So fuck you, Winter, hell ya)
And to the bagpipe’s sound (And the thumpin’ club beat)
The nymphs tread out their ground. Fa la. (Where the sluts shake they ass, hell ya)
Fie then! why sit we musing, (Fuck it! Let’s get moving)
Youth’s sweet delight refusing? Fa la. (Eighteen year old pussy is juicy, hell ya)
Say, dainty nymphs, and speak, (Are you sluts on the pill?)
Shall we play at barley-break? Fa la. (Because it’s time to fuck, hell ya)
See? When you put it in today’s vernacular, it’s actually kind of a hot poem. And in my opinion, if poetry is going to stay relevant in the twenty-first century, it’s got to mention eighteen year old juicy pussy.
1. While I was visiting my cousin’s farm I met a cool woman that lived with her husband in the farmhouse on the next plot of land. She and I hit it off, so we had a Roll in the Hay while her husband was in town buying pesticide.
2. Bring a blanket for any Roll in the Hay.
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