A secret task or condition you place on a person who you’ve just started dating to evaluate whether or not that person is relationship material. There are many examples of a relationship test and they will differ from person to person depending on what’s important to them. For example, a friend of mine is obsessed with her dog and cat. Like, completely obsessed. She feeds both of them a raw food diet and probably spends more money on food for her pets than she does for herself every month. She doesn’t call them her pets she calls them her ‘babies’. They really are her kids. They are more important to her than any human. Her dog has all kinds of allergies and she takes him to a vet once a month AND a canine naturopath. Every year she celebrates her dog’s birthday by having a big party. She makes chocolate cake for the human guests and some kind of mashed up dog food cake for the dog guests. So you can probably guess that her biggest relationship test for anyone she’s dating (or even fucking for that matter) is how they interact with her animals, particularly her dog. She can sort of almost handle it if her dates don’t love them, but if they are at all harsh with them or talk down to them or treat them with disrespect, they are out the door. Simple as that.
You may think that’s weird, but other people do crazier shit, but I actually get that one. I mean, if they treat her animals badly or as if they weren’t important, how are they going to treat their kids?
Another friend I have tests her boyfriends by seeing how they react to how much food she likes to eat. They’ll go out to a restaurant and she’ll order a huge main course and several appetizers and then just go to town. If he thinks it’s sexy and can also keep up with her, he’s passed the test. If he’s weirded out by it or orders just a salad or makes some condescending remark about how he just isn’t ‘that into food’ (consequently my own personal relationship test is whether or not the guy owns a TV and has favourite TV shows. If he doesn’t, we’ve got to shut it down), then he’s out the door.
The only thing to be cautious about when giving a relationship test is that you aren’t so overly picky that you can’t look past anyone’s flaws. It’s also important to give people second chances when you don’t know them super well. They might be nervous and acting weird because they really like you and want to get in your pants. Don’t have so many deal breakers that you don’t even give yourself the chance to get to know the person.
1. I had to dump him. He didn’t pass the first relationship test.
2. I gave my girlfriend my relationship test and she didn’t pass. I don’t know why she was so horrified by the idea of a threesome. I suppose she would never had passed test #2, double penetration.
RELATED TERMS: