Qui Dormit, Non Peccat is a Latin phrase meaning, “one who sleeps does not sin”. It is another way of saying that if you just go to bed and go to sleep, you’ll avoid all the trouble that comes with staying awake in bed. Namely, all the soap operas and drama that come with an active sex life. That’s the problem with dating a lot of new people. You never know what making them a part of your life will bring.
Am I suggesting that just you should just go home after work on Friday, watch some Monica Sweetheart anal porn clips, masturbate, and then fall asleep to some Leonard Cohen compilations? No. Has that been a tried-and-true problem-free Friday night for me many times in the past? You betcha.
When I do that sort of Friday night, you know what happens Saturday morning? Nothing. I sleep in and then go out for brunch. However, if I decide to go out on Friday night instead of just falling asleep, there’s the chance that there could be a very different Saturday morning. Oh sure, I could go to the bar and pick up a slut and fuck her all night on Friday. It could be a magical sexual exploration that culminates in a world class orgasm for me and her.
But then we fall asleep, and wake up on Saturday together.
Maybe it was the alcohol talking the night before, and suddenly instead of me being in bed with an eight out of ten, she’s dropped to a fat four. Maybe she pissed herself in the night. Maybe the condom broke, and she’s crying because she’s worried I gave her a baby. Maybe she doesn’t get the hint and hangs around me all day long. Maybe she got too drunk, and worries that her ex-con boyfriend is going to kill us both when she goes home.
Maybe I left the webcam on, and broadcast our sex together to all my friends and family. Maybe they saw me let her peg me with a strap-on dildo. Maybe they saw me give her a glass-bottom boat on my dead grandma’s heirloom quilt that I got at her funeral. Maybe she’s bat-shit crazy, and now I’ve got a world-class headache in my life for the next three years. Maybe I’ve fallen in love with her, but she’s married. Maybe she’s my best friend’s wife.
You see what I mean? You never know what you’re going to get on Saturday morning unless you just go to sleep on Friday night. It’s boring and safe.
Personally, I like nailing a random bar slut on a Friday night, but I’m a little crazy myself. Plus, it’s all going shit house this year, according to the Mayans, so who really cares anyway?
Have fun and stay safe, either way!
1. In my twenties I partied. In my thirties, I live by Qui Dormit, Non Peccat.
2. Latin lovers never use the Latin phrase Qui Dormit, Non Peccat.
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