Something that happens when the condom breaks on prom night. Pregnancy is the result of a man’s sperm inserting itself into a woman’s egg and fertilizing that egg. When a woman becomes pregnant, if it is an expected pregnancy and not an accident, she will likely be elated for the first couple of weeks until she starts to feel sick. Then she’ll probably go through a period of hating her fetus and wanting everyone to stop asking her about how much she LOVES being pregnant, because guess what? Barfing every ten minutes and falling asleep during meetings and gaining weight and having heartburn and acid reflux is really not the walk in the park everyone seems to think it is. Hopefully this stage doesn’t last much past the first trimester (the first three months), but some women continue tossing their cookies all the way up until the baby is born. In fact, a lot of women puke while they’re in labour. And some women shit themselves while they’re on the delivery table. What do you expect? They’re trying to push something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of pickle. When you have to push that hard it’s likely you’re gonna push other stuff out too.
Pregnancy is awesome when it’s planned. When it’s unplanned it can cause all kinds of stress. The woman has to decide whether she wants to keep the baby, give it up for adoption, or have an abortion. In many cases none of those options will be ideal and having to choose will cause huge amounts of anxiety in the woman. When this happens, it’s important that the dude who helped get her pregnant is caring and compassionate and goes with her through this process. If they are in a relationship he is certainly obligated to be a stand-up awesome partner, but even if they aren’t in a relationship, even if it was just a one-night-stand that took an unexpected and unwelcome turn, it is crucial that the father of this little fetus provides the mother with some kind of emotional support. And if he can’t do that properly, he should stay the hell away from her.
The awesome part of pregnancy is that you are actually creating a human. That is pretty rad. When you think about how this little thing is growing from the size of your fingernail into an actually living breathing human in just nine months it can totally change your perspective on life. Not everyone wants kids, but I have yet to meet anyone who’s had kids who regrets the choice.
1. I’m pregnant. I have a tiny penis growing inside me. How awkward. The smell of meat makes me want to throw up and the sight of it actually does make me barf. I used to love meat. Sigh.
2. My boyfriend knocked me up. Now that I’m pregnant he’s constantly trying to avoid fucking me. He’s worried his dick might dent the baby’s head or something.
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