A move so smooth with regards to sexual initiation or pseudo-sexual congress with someone that it could only otherwise have happened in a heavily scripted porn film. Porn moments don’t happen often (mostly because even if you’re a total cheese ball in real life it’s still unlikely that you would actually be able to pull off the kind of righteous cheesiness found in porn acting), but when they do, it’s awesome. How many times in your life do you get to nail the dude who vacuums the hallway of your apartment complex three times a week? Besides the fact that this dude really needs to get laid, it just isn’t likely that you’ll be opening the door wearing a towel and nothing else. But if you do, you can experience your own porn moment.
Some smooth moves that constitute porn moments are as follows: Personally delivering a welcome fruit and wine basket to your new neighbor at three a.m. and timing it just right so he answers the doorbell right after taking a shower. The basket should be large enough that it would take both hands for him to hold it so his towel will ultimately fall off revealing his giant throbbing cock, as seen on Sex and the City when Samantha has a new neighbor. Another smooth move is when you’re at the Vancouver Aquarium and you accidentally fall into the dolphin tank and a scuba diver rescues you. Of course you have to pull off all your sopping wet clothes. Of course he has to wrap his naked body around you to prevent you from getting hypothermia. Of course he’s going to push your head downtown so you can admire and suck on his huge dick. Of course he’s going to end up anal banging you against the side of the tank while the dolphins watch in horror. That shit actually happens. The Vancouver Aquarium is just crazy like that. Another smooth move is when you’re outside in winter and it’s snowing and you lean your head back and stick out your tongue to catch some of the snowflakes and recover your lost youth when all of a sudden there’s a cock in your mouth. That shit also happens, basically all the time in Canada since it snows, like, ten months out of the year.
Just remember, you can make porn moments happen for yourself at any time. You just have to allow yourself to do totally ridiculous things like caressing your own tits in public or going down on your boyfriend at your grandmother’s eighty-fifth birthday. It’s a thing.
1. I had a total porn moment at my girlfriend’s house. Unfortunately I wasn’t in it, but apparently she sure does love fucking my best friend.
2. I’ve always wanted to be in porn but for now I’ll just have to settle for turning my life into a series of hot porn moments. Unfortunately I don’t get paid for them so I still have fuck my husband so that he buys me shit.
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