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A poontang is a slang term for vagina. It is also used as a disparaging term for a woman. It’s derogatory, yes, but also kind of awesome and hilarious.
It has a bit of a history. Some say it’s derived from the French word ‘putain’, which means whore. Aside from the slang for vagina, it also tends to mean a woman who is dirty, slutty, a whore and just generally doesn’t care who (or what) goes through, into and on her pussy. Generally, if you’re called a poontang, you can probably take offense. Though if you’re referring to your own vagina as a poontang, you can probably feel like you’re Jenny from the block, or whatever.
Poontang is not to be confused with other forms of ‘tang’, that fruit-flavoured drink that came in grape and orange flavours. The drink you might have sold at a stand instead of lemonade back in the day. The one that comes in crystals that you mix with water. One that provides you with all kinds of chemicals that keeps your body functioning as it should. Tang was made popular in the 1960s when astronauts took tang along on their space missions. Unfortunately for the astronauts, they didn’t think to take any poontang along at that time. Because of the lack of poontang, the regular tang consumption was quite high and many astronauts ended up losing their hair and having strange orange and purple rashes on their skin from the high chemical content of the drink. In the end, it was officially noted that the lack of poontang was a high contributing factor in lower brain function. Many of the men who returned found themselves unable to perform with their wives unless drinking a gallon of tang at least an hour ahead of time. It was a sad era for North America.
Poontang is also when you eat a special kind of poutine. It’s the usual fries, gravy and cheese curds in a bowl, but the bowl is only accessible between a woman’s legs. So you either have to get take out poutine in order to indulge in a poontan, or you have to make it yourself. Either way, the chick has to be lying on her back with her legs spread (for extra kink you can always handcuff her to the bedposts. This is called ‘a handcuff poontan’, or a ‘hanpoon’) with a steaming plate of poutine at her pussy. The poutine should be so hot that the smell permeates her cunt so that by the time you get to eating her, all you can taste is gravy.
1. She’s such a slut. Her poontang is probably crawling with diseases.
2. It was Sam’s birthday and Carla had an amazing surprise for him. She ordered take-out poutine and dressed herself in black lingerie. She lay down on their bed and placed the steaming plate of fries and gravy between her spread legs. He’d be home from hockey any minute, starving and ready for something greasy. He’d never had a poontang before and she was pretty sure he’d be drooling the second he walked in the door.
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