A plumper is a highly underrated piece of ass in today’s vain, superficial heroine-chique society. Plumpers are extremely useful, versatile sex partners who can really help you when you’re in a jam, and they can be surprisingly better in bed that a lot of the hotter chicks men like to bang, simply because they have to be in order to compete.
Besides, it’s not like we’re talking about those gigantic orca fat women we see at Walmart, or the monstrosities we see standing in line at the movie theater buying a single ticket with a double popcorn. Hell, we’re not even talking about the ever-fluctuating, sometimes fat, sometimes skinny, Oprah type of women. A plumper, simply put, is a woman who is slightly overweight, to varying degrees, but is still fairly attractive (See: Fattractive). In defense of the slightly chubby girls out there, I’m going to outline a few of the possible ways a Plumper could be a key figure on any man’s pick-up roster.
First of all, as stated above, plumpers are often fantastic in bed. You see, they get laid less often, so not only are they pent up like a Mormon First Baseman, but they also let pretty much ANYTHING slide because they’re so fucking horny. So, you know all those dirty little secrets you hide from your wife or long term girlfriend, like enjoying two fingers up your ass at the moment of climax, or your burning desire to whip out the donkey punch or Houdini? Well, Plumpers love that shit!
Plumpers are also extremely useful pieces of meat because they provide desperately needed and reliable sexual release at times when better options just aren’t available. In fact, I highly recommend that any teenage virgin male first try having sex with a plumper. Not only will you get great practice, but you won’t run the risk of her telling everybody how bad you were in bad. If you sleep with a popular, attractive girl and you’re a virgin, she’s going to tell every other girl in school that you’re a minute man with a small dick. But, a plumper would never do that. They’re like a loyal basset hound, droopy and grotesque at times, but always at your side.
Plumpers are also useful if you’re shy, recently divorced, extremely drunk, or horny, or you’ve just been in a rut lately and hitting a bit of a dry spell on the vagina market. They’re like the cocaine of bar pick-ups. You know it’s wrong, and you shouldn’t do it, but sometimes when life gets you down and you’re feeling a little reckless, a couple of bumps after last call just feels so damn good. The next morning you’ll wake up feeling extremely guilty and coming down hard, so that starting Monday you’ll turn your life around and pull yourself up by the bootstraps and never make the same mistake again, until the next divorce, dry spell, or really drunken night.
1. Last night I went surfing with a plumper. She let me do things I’d never even masturbated to before.
2. Andre specifically tries to pick up plumpers every night he goes out. He’s extremely selfish in bed, and doesn’t want to start a bad reputation with the hotter girls.
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