Panty Sniffing is a fetish that has existed for decades, popularized largely by celebrities, military personnel, rich business men who are extremely unattractive, and high school teachers who haven’t lost their jobs yet because they have the best Unions known to man.
The technical definition for a panty sniffer is exactly that; someone who sniffs panties, soiled or Bounce fresh. Soiled Panty sniffers, also known as “Mud Mongers” or “Scuba Divers,” is by far the most common and profitable genre of panty sniffing that exists in the porn industry. Wealthy businessmen in Japan, America, and Germany, will pay hundreds, if not thousands of dollars for your soiled panties, wiring you the money through pay pal as you take a steamy shit in your underwear, urinate on it for extra measure, and then seal it up in a Ziploc bag and drop it off in the nearest mailbox. It’s an extremely lucrative business venture for any young female looking to make some extra cash. Ever wonder how those 21 year old University students can afford to drive a BMW? Chances are, if she’s not a trust fund baby, then she’s dumping a load or two each day and shipping it off express post.
Now, most of you might be thinking, ‘Hey, I can do that and I’m a guy! After all, how could they tell whether or not the feces are from a man or a woman? All I’ve gotta do is buy some cheap dollar store panties, brew up a pot of coffee and smother my chili in Tabasco Sauce, and I’ve got myself free of student loans!
Well, unfortunately, you’re wrong. Professional high-end panty sniffers have the scent of a bloodhound hunting dog. They can distinguish between hundreds of different types of fecal matter, often determining not only the gender, but also the species of the being that make each turd (many college students have been hunted down because they’ve attempted to pass off dog shit collected at the park each morning as a hot young blonde’s morning BM). Trust me, don’t even bother trying to fool a panty sniffer.
If we’re all being honest with ourselves, we’d have to admit that nearly every male has been a panty sniffer at some point or another. Normally, it starts off quite innocently. We’re over at a friend’s house playing in his sister’s room when we’re an adolescent, and suddenly we notice a red-laced panty sticking out of her dresser drawer. When our friend eventually goes to the bathroom, we clutch it in our hands like we’ve just discovered our own penis for the first time. When we finally dare to take our first whiff, it’s like snorting a massive line of coke off a stripper’s breast; we’re hooked immediately. It’s not surprising that before long, we could be paying Japanese girls half our paychecks for some freshly soiled, courier express, panties.
1. My friend’s a total Panty Sniffer. He had to take a second mortgage out on his house because he spent so much money on Brazilian Scat.
2. According to statistics from H&R Block, next to cocaine and Meth addicts, Panty Sniffers are the most commonly bankrupt individuals in North America.
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