The Oyster is a derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one’s testicles in ice-water and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the lady suck and nibble on them. As the testicles warm in the woman’s mouth, they will become loose and soft again, at which point re-submergence in the ice-water can begin. Or, if you’re going to cum, this is when you begin to aim at her tits or hair.
The oyster is not for the faint of taint. Ice cold water on any part of a man’s junk is met with disagreement from the body and brain. Control is necessary if you’re going to master this move. You have to suppress the pain and the desire to pull your balls out of the ice water. What I like to do, to keep my mind on other things while I’m soaking the boys, is a medium-difficulty Sudoku. Although figuring out which box I’m going to stick my nine in is really what I’m doing in either case.
That’s a Sudoku/sex pun.
Box = pussy
Nine = my nine inch cock
Actual oysters were and are considered to be aphrodisiacs. A man’s nutsack is rarely seen as an aphrodisiac. Researchers studied oysters and found that they were high in amino acids that activated high levels of sexual hormones. As well, their rich zinc content helps testosterone production. So, they’re worth a try, if the bitch won’t put out for you. If oysters don’t work, try diamonds. If they don’t work, dump her and take back the diamonds.
If you are part of any local polar bear club, than submerging your nutsack into ice water won’t seem too crazy. By joining a polar bear club before trying The Oyster, you can get some much needed experience in dealing with the cold on your junk. Plus, if there are any ladies in the club, you might find other people who are into kinky cold sex. At the very least, you know you’ll get to see some hard nipples.
I’ve always been a big fan of putting my balls into a woman’s mouth. Ladies, if you’re going to suck on your man’s nuts, don’t forget the little things you can do to take it up a notch. First, tongue work. Use your tongue to separate his balls and play with each individually. Second, humming. It’s not just girls that like their junk vibrated. Hum jobs are amazing for men too. Last, tickle the taint and prostate. Get your hands busy touching him in the dirty places. Multiple stimulations like that make a man goo.
As always, I suggest you consult with your family physician before beginning any new, potentially harmful sex act. Who knows what prolonged freezing will do to your balls? It’s all fun and games until you get frostbite on your nuts.
1. Jane gave John The Oyster last night, and he’s still smiling today. Don’t tell Mary, his wife.
2. After she gave me The Oyster, I gave her a pearl necklace.
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