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Orgasm is the sensation of sexual climax, or the release of sexual tension that a man or woman experiences during sexual activity or masturbation. The most common term for having an orgasm is ‘cumming’ or ‘climaxing.’ Female orgasms are often dry, or without ejaculation, but women that do ejaculate are called “squirters,” (or really fucking hot). Men always ejaculate, usually prematurely, and often in the wrong place.
For men, orgasms are easy. A few quick thrusts with a bit of friction, or a rapid tug session beneath the blankets, and you’re exploding like a Turkey baster full of Mayo. When a man has an orgasm, a large wad of white, hot liquid will escape from the tip of the penis and land on whatever mouth, ass, hand, vagina, or piece of food he happens to be fucking. Immediately after orgasm, the male will either fall asleep without saying a word, or he will become distant and cold towards his female partner, showing none of the previous affection and adoration he was showering upon the woman before having sex. Men typically have their first orgasm between the ages of 10 and 16, often in the form of a wet dream or from a half assed attempt at masturbation (often while humping a pillow, corner of the bed, hand puppet, or warm pastry).
Women on the other hand, have their first orgasm anywhere between 14 and 80, sometimes never reaching climax at all. The female orgasm is much like a volcano; we understand how it works, what causes it, and what it looks like, but we may never truly know when it will happen. Despite what you might hear in porno films and locker rooms, very few women will ever reach orgasm from their male partner simply by getting a dick shoved in and out of her pussy for five minutes while she lies on her back. Usually, the men who tell stories of a ‘crazy slut’ who ‘exploded all over his cock’ ‘like twenty times’ while he fucked her missionary style, are simply liars. Either that, or their girlfriends are, and they were faking every single orgasm simply so the guy would stop trying. Now, there are rare cases where a woman will have an orgasm from straight up penetration, but those women are usually nymphomaniacs or chronic masturbators (or their husband has the stamina of a horse).
If you don’t possess the threshold of a Clydesdale, the most surefire way to make a woman have an orgasm, is to use your goddamn tongue. I don’t care if she doesn’t shave or return the favor, or if she smells and tastes a bit like fish and gym socks, you need to lick that pussy and make her cum. If you do, she’ll be incredibly grateful. But more importantly, she’ll tell all her girl friends that you’re Ron ‘clit licking’ Jeremy, and you’re bound to get some more pussy as a return.
1. Whenever Ron gives his girlfriend a really good orgasm, her sisters and cousins start hitting on him at the bar.
2. Jason thought he gave Sara an orgasm, but she was actually just laughing so hard that she peed a little.
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