Ophidicism describes the use of snakes for sexual pleasure. It is a fetish that Indiana Jones would not be a fan of. Contrarily, Jacques, (Indy’s pilot that owns the pet snake “Reggie”) may well enjoy sticking snakes up his asshole. Remember when Indy gets trapped in that underground cave filled with snakes? An ophidiophile would love it down there. They’d walk around ass-first.
It’s not just men that are into ophidicism. On no. Women also have holes that are stimulated by snakes and eels. One such hole is the vagina. If a woman were to take a snake, smack it in the face a few times to get it mad, and then stick its tail up her cunt, the movements could be very pleasurable. Especially if the snake was hitting her G-Spot. That could make the woman squirt all over that snake.
The great thing about snake fucking is that they don’t make any noise. Oh, sure – they’ll hiss like a motherfucker, but that’s not too loud. Not like when you’re trying to fuck a zebra and they’re whinnying and neighing like crazy and waking up all the goddam neighbors. That’s why I only kidnap mute zebras from the zoo. But I digress.
People that are into fucking animals are into zoophilia. And why not? Who hasn’t seen a beautiful lady zebra on a clear, moonlit night and thought, “Don’t mind if I do”? You have to be careful when you’re choosing a snake to stick up your snooch because some snakes carry salmonella on them. And you don’t want a salmonella snooch. So, wash any snake thoroughly before inserting them anywhere in your body.
Actually, washing the snake may not clean it well enough. Take the snake to your local vet, ask the vet if the snake has any salmonella on it. The vet will ask why, so be honest. Tell them that you’re going to take the snake home and stick it up your snooch. He’ll probably confiscate the snake and call the police, but at least you won’t get salmonella in your snooch.
In fact, there are lots of laws prohibiting the having of sex with animals. Apparently it’s considered animal abuse, even if you give the zebra lots of foreplay and make her cum too.
I should point out here that any mention of zebra fucking is made in jest, and that in no way should you attempt to fuck a zebra. They’ll kick you in the head and knock you the fuck out. Especially the uppity ones they’ve got at my local petting zoo.
Forget the animals! Fuck people instead. There are lots of them, and they’re almost all horny for doing it.
1. Eve had a touch of ophidicism for the snake in the garden of Eden. Some people thing “taking a bite of the apple” is a metaphor for her sticking the snake up her snooch.
2. When a druggy tells you to “Ride the snake”, he’s not referring to ophidicism.
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