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A One Handed Typist is someone typing one-handed because they are masturbating and typing to someone at the same time while having cybersex etc. We’ve all been there before, haven’t we fellas? You’ve lured a hot, young (but legal) woman into an insta-chat because she liked the pics on your dating profile. She doesn’t yet realize those pics were from seven years ago, and before all your hair fell out and you lost a leg to those ruthless Russian student loan collectors.
Similarly, she isn’t quite as hot as her profile pics either. She just photoshopped her head from her prom (20 years ago) onto Salma Hayek’s body. Plus, it’s your lonely Aunt Jill from Montreal. Still, she’s typing some hot correspondence. It might go something like this:
hOTTie69: my panties r wet J
studMAN9.5: take them off and smell them
hOTTie69: ok…hang on…mmmmm smell good ! xxoo
studMAN9.5: put a finger in your pussy
hOTTie69: just one? Lol
studMAN9.5: put ‘em all in there if u can. Do you have a vibrator?
hOTTie69: of course…
studMAN9.5: put it up your ass while you finger yourself
hOTTie69: I’m not into that. LOL
studMAN9.5: then this isn’t going to work. See you around!
CHAT ENDED
By then you should have finished masturbating anyway. No big loss. And hey, if she’s not into anal vibrators, she isn’t the right one for you. Don’t settle for second best, dude. Wait for the right one.
One handed typists can get pretty adept at typing to someone while their other hand is busy pulling on their pole. The only trouble comes into play when you need to use a combination of keys for something. Avoiding sentences that need a lot of capital letters or symbols is key.
Being able to multi-task while you are masturbating can save you a lot of time in your daily life. I usually try to combine my masturbating and my chores. While I’m cleaning the stovetop, I’m spanking my log. While I’m vacuuming, I play with my balls. Then, by the time I’m putting the laundry in the washing machine, I’m ready to explode.
I cum in the laundry room sink and start my whites.
I figure by the end of my life, assuming I make it to 70 years old, I will have saved over 30 minutes. Enough time to catch one last episode of Wheel of Fortune.
1. Justin didn’t know that his webcam was on while he was masturbating while e-chatting with his girlfriend. She didn’t tell him it was on. Instead, she just started recording him. She was pissed that he had been cheating on her with her friend. Later, when they broke up, she gave everyone in school a copy of the video which she entitled, “Disgustin’ Justin – The One Handed Typist”.
2. Larry was proud of his one handed typist abilities. He could still type around 50 words per minute, even while madly stroking his salami. After a year, his keyboard needed to be replaced due to semen gumming up the works.
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