Number Three is a colloquial way of saying ejaculating semen. It is based on calling urination “number one”, and taking a shit “number two”. So if you’re at a party with all your friends, and you and your girlfriend are going to go upstairs to fuck, when they ask where you’re going, say, “Number three.” They’ll laugh and understand.
You don’t have to be with someone else to go Number Three. Why, just last night I couldn’t fall asleep. I tossed and turned for around an hour when finally I got fed up. It was time for my tried-and-true sleeping pill: masturbation. I booted up some sweet Daisy Marie porn clips, and Number Threed all over myself. Five minutes and a couple of wet-naps later, I was sound asleep.
When I got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water, I still had some energy left, so I booted up some awesome Dani Woodward clips and had a second Number Three. I think that my neighbors might have heard the clips because I was too busy with my hands to turn down the volume of her moaning as she was getting rammed. Hopefully they think I was with an actual woman, rather than watching porn.
Actually, what the hell do I care what they think? If they aren’t considerate enough to put their garbage out on garbage day, then fuck them. With respect.
Where was I? Oh yeah – number three.
Number three is my favorite number of all the numbers. Number one is great, don’t get me wrong. After ten beers or a long car ride, when you finally get to go number one, it’s glorious. And number two ain’t no slouch either. I’ve had some near-orgasmic number twos in my life. Number twos that have stretched out my “limitations” as a man, and left me understanding what it means to love. Yeah, that good.
But number three beats them all. My favorite number threes are the ones that are unexpectedly long and powerful. I usually cum at least once a day, either with a girlfriend, slut, or masturbation session, so when my orgasm is suddenly super strong, it catches me by surprise. All of a sudden I’m Peter North, shooting squirt after squirt of high-velocity man-milk again and again, long after I’d normally have already fallen asleep. It’s great.
I can’t say that the women or my computer screen (depending if I’m with someone else, or flying solo) appreciates it when I go Peter North on them. If it’s a woman, she usually gets it in the eye or up the nose, which is never welcome. And I’ve gone through more computer screens because of a short circuit problem due to a number three than I care to admit. Well, actually, I’m proud to admit it – there have been three of them.
Three is a magic number!
1. Jason’s Number Three tastes like pineapple.
2. Gus sprayed his Number Three deep inside his wife’s asshole.
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