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Non-Orthogenic Sex is any kind of sex other than for bearing children. It’s recreational sex – sex just for the fun of it. It is the best kind of sex. Free and fun, and without the pressures of trying to get someone knocked-up.
Throw a condom on and have some fun, people! You’re only on this big blue marble for a little while. And you’ve only got a 40 year window in there where your junk is any good. There’s no sense in realizing that sex is natural and fun in your seventies, grandma. Yo shit’s all dried up and saggy now.
My younger brother recently turned eighteen, and he wrote me a letter from his freshman dorm at college. Here’s his letter:
Hey Fuckface!
College rules! Thanks for convincing me to get good grades for the girls! You were right! All these young, fresh, hotties running around without their parents telling them what to do. Drinking for the first time legally! In the past three months, I’ve had blowjobs from seven different girls, five of which I fucked too. None of them expect anything after the sex! Completely no-strings attached! I’m going through the crate of condoms and spermicidal lube you sent me, but I may run out by spring. Send more.
Come visit – I’ve got a hot TA that you should meet!
Bam!
Harry
So I wrote him back:
Hey Harry –
Glad you’re having fun. In the words of Alan Arkin in ‘Little Miss Sunshine’: “Fuck a lot of women, Dwayne. I got no reason to lie to you kid. Fuck a lotta women. Not just one, a lot. You should be gettin’ that young stuff! That young stuff is the best stuff in the world!”
Some truth in cinema.
Keep using the condoms, even when they’re giving you blowjobs. Sluts are great, but they can bring the Syphilis. Wrap it up.
Anyway, tell your TA that I said hi, and I’ll be visiting in the new year, if she wants to have a drink. (Drink of my cock sperm).
Don’t tell her that. I’d wrap it up anyway. She might have the Syph.
p.s. Go to class!
p.p.s. Did you take my “Anal Pounding Blacks & Big Titted Blondes Vol. 49”? I can’t find it anywhere, and I remember you couldn’t stop staring at the cover when you came over to visit last summer. It’s cool if you borrowed it, but let me know. I need to know if it was the little old Filipino lady that cleans my house that stole it. I think she’s also stealing my toilet paper.
1. My parents have never had non-orthogenic sex. They had sex three times, and had three children as the result. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I hear their bed springs squeaking during visits at Christmas time.
2. My girlfriend said she didn’t want to have non-orthogenic sex. She wanted a baby. I agreed and we fucked a lot that night. She doesn’t know about my vasectomy.
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