Niffkin’s Bridge is the area between a person’s genitals and their asshole. Namely, their perineum, or taint, or choda. It is named after Commodore James “Jiffy” Niffkin, who was a brilliant naval tactician that is generally credited with naming the poop deck.
He was also the man who designed and helped to build Niffkin’s Bridge in Ireland. Niffkin’s Bridge connects Reardon and Cockney Hill, so a lot of people thought it was funny to say it connected “Rear and Cock”. Hence the connection to the taint on the human body, which connects the rear and cock. Kind of funny, actually.
“Jiffy” Niffkin got his nickname because he could always get to a battle in a jiffy when he was needed. In one particular battle with Napoleon’s forces in the Indian Ocean, his fleet was thought to be completely out of range to assist England’s struggling forces. Just before Napoleon’s fleet crushed the English, Niffkin showed up and turned the tide. To his credit, rather than destroying the French fleet, he accepted their surrender and invited them to dinner on his ship.
He brought a bunch of prostitutes and dancing women on board too, and they all had a fantastic party together. The French officers went back to Napoleon and told him all about Niffkin, who Napoleon referred to as “a true gentleman who knows the value of some bought pussy on a defeated soldier’s morale.” Rumor has it that Napoleon invited Niffkin to his castle during the war to have a threesome with Josephine, but Niffkin refused.
Niffkin was also thought to be named “Jiffy” because he was a premature ejaculator when he’d have sex with the many, many prostitutes he’d hire while he was out at sea. His wife, Lady Niffkin, never questioned her husband’s fidelity because she was back in England fucking every stable boy and gardener she could get her hands on. In fact, it was she that invented the deepthroat, although her decedents vehemently deny it.
Niffkin died as spectacularly as he lived. On his way back from Bermuda, his ship sailed into a terrible hurricane. Niffkin knew there was little hope that they would survive. He worried that the hurricane was God’s punishment for all the Bermudan pussy he had fucked during his time there. So, he climbed into a lifeboat and tried to lure the hurricane away from the rest of his crew. The hurricane ended up blowing itself out, and the crew was saved. Niffkin, unfortunately was never heard from again.
Some say he rowed back to Bermuda to get some more of that sweet tropical poony. The high concentration of premature ejaculators in Bermuda supports this theory.
1. I spread Sarah’s legs and started licking her asshole. I gave her Niffkin’s Bridge a hickey on my way to her pussy. By the time I hit her clit, she had already cum three times.
2. I’d make Scarlett Johansson get my name tattooed on her Niffkin’s Bridge if I was her husband.
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