click to enlargeNecrophilia is the technical word for the act of having sex with a corpse. To some, it is considered a psychological disease where the necrophiliac has a distorted sense of reality and an extremely perverse sexual desire. To others, necrophilia is simply a more hardcore example of a sexual fetish, and a harmless one at that since the cadaver in question can’t feel any pain, or experience sexual tension and dissatisfaction if that perpetrator happens to be a terrible lay.
Supporters of necrophilia are fairly rare in most people’s day to day lives, but if you’re involved in the sex industry, the pornography world, or work as a bartender or video game programmer, the idea of necrophilia is probably as taboo to you as using the F word or skipping church on Sunday. After all, the body technically stays warm for up to three hours after the person dies, so its not like it would even feel like you were fucking a dead person. In fact, the blood is almost still flowing. Not to mention, if rigamortis happens to take its effect on the male genitalia, it can be one of the most satisfying fucks of a female necrophiliac’s life. No more waiting patiently on your back while the guy you’re fucking tries desperately to jerk himself off and regain his erection that was lost the instant he opened the condom wrapper. No more jumping onto your knees in mid-fuck to frantically suck your man’s cock so he stays hard enough to keep penetrating you until your have an orgasm. In reality, a cadaver is the ultimate male lover; he is the most self-less male lay known to womankind. Not to mention, he would be an incredibly good listener afterward when you want to cuddle in bed and have that oh-so-important “pillow talk,” conversations that leave most living men passed out and snoring before they get the condom in the garbage.
Really, the only drawback of necrophilia is that you’re pretty much doomed to one night stands for the rest of your life, because by the time you get ready for date number two, that person is in the ground. Unless of course, you happen to work in a hospital morgue where unclaimed bodies go. Not only would they stick around for the long haul, but they’d be kept nice and fresh in the refrigerator the whole time. Just make sure you don’t get careless and forget to use protection. Remember, just because the body is dead, doesn’t mean the crabs aren’t still alive and kicking. The same goes for herpes too.
1. In college, one of my buddies thought he might be into necrophilia because every time his girlfriend fell asleep he got really horny and wanted to fuck her. I told him not to worry, he wasn’t a necrophiliac, he was just a pervert.
2. Steve once thought he was into necrophilia because he loved having sex with girls who were total starfishes in bed. Turns out, he was just an incredibly selfish and crappy lover.
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