Nads is a slang term for a man’s testicles. It is a short form of the word gonads. A man has a left nad, and a right nad (unless you’re a freak with more or less than two balls), and they are snuggly contained in his wrinkled scrotum. Together, a man’s nads work to produce a variety of sensations and substances which I will discuss here.
Actually, I just received a carrier-pigeon message from my research assistant, and she tells me that women have gonads too! Apparently the gonads in a woman are her ovaries, and the gonads in a man are his testicles. So there you go.
In fact, it’s your gonads that determine your gender while you’re in the womb. You’re floating there, a nebulous orb of goo, and your gonads say, “Hey – this kid is going to be…” Then they spin a bottle. If the bottle lands on “girl”, they start to add a vagina and sandwich-making skills to the DNA. If the bottle lands on “boy”, they start to add a penis and an intrinsic admiration for Indiana Jones.
Been that way for eons.
If you’re a man, you would use a gonad girdle (condom) to keep your gonad gravy (semen) out of your lady lovers. Otherwise, your gonad gravy could reach her gonad grabbers (ovaries) and you’ll end up with a baby. It’s a story as old as time.
Since we’re talking about the gonads, here’s a good self defense tip: if you’re being attacked, aim for the attacker’s nads, male or female. Since ladies have gonads too, I guess you can kick a woman in the nads, if your aim is true, and your feet are long enough. I know that when I get hit in my nads, even if it’s a glancing blow, I feel like shit for the next half hour or so.
I’ve only had a couple direct hits in my life, and I did not enjoy them. One time it was an accident. I was play-wrestling with my much younger girlfriend on the bed. I was tickling her fantastic nineteen year-old thighs when she suddenly and involuntarily kneed me in the gonads. Bull’s-eye. I went down like a sack of potatoes. She didn’t understand what had happened, so she pounced on top of me, and started tickling me in retaliation.
I couldn’t speak, so I couldn’t tell her to get the fuck off me while I recover from her accidental assault. Eventually she got the message when I curled up into the fetal position and didn’t move for the next half hour. She apologized profusely, so I forgave her, fucked her like crazy for the next three days, and then dumped her clumsy ass.
I don’t need that. My nads are my family jewels. Speaking of family jewels, whenever I see Sophie Simmons, my nads throb with respect.
1. Fred likes it when his wife massages his nads during fellatio.
2. Barney likes it when Fred’s wife massages his nads during fellatio too.
RELATED TERMS: