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Mud Flaps have many different names, and they come in all different shapes, sizes, and colours, but ultimately they all mean the same thing. Mud Flaps refer to meaty labia, the kind of pussy lips that dangle a couple of inches and sometime seem to swallow a man’s testicles whole. Also known as Camel Toe, Tusks, Hound doggers, and Jabba’s Hut, Mud flaps are an extremely unattractive physical trait that many women have, but almost all of them have surgically removed (at least if they want to get laid by the same man more than once).
Unfortunately for women, very few individuals have a fetish for mud flaps, so it is not typically a physical deformity that can attract a certain type of man, or earn a decent wage in the fetish industry. Of course, like anything grotesque and undesirable, some people out there crave it, even though they are very rare. Known as “off roaders,” men who get sexual gratification from enlarged labia will pay top dollar to any woman who is willing to sit on their face or swallow their testicles like a bloodhound hoovering a biscuit. Of course, most women who have enlarged labia wouldn’t even dream of charging these men money to have sex with them, since they haven’t been able to get laid by anyone else. Usually, if an off-roader finds himself a mud flapper on the internet or at the bar, they will probably end up getting married and having little mud flap babies.
Ironically, sexperts claim that if a woman has mud flaps that are too big, it can often prevent her from getting pregnant. Now, this is not for the typically enlarged labia. We’re talking about women who look like their vaginas are made of candle wax and the wick has been burning all night long. For these women, even in gang bang situations where 5 dudes ejaculate into her pussy at the same time, chances are her mud flaps will block all semen from entering her vagina or getting anywhere near her cervix (serving the same function as actual mud flaps on cars, blocking any splattering from getting on the tire or the car). So, sadly, many women who do manage to bag themselves an off roader husband, will most likely end up adopting or finding a surrogate.
Even though mud flaps are seen as disgusting mutations, there are other female enlargements that are even more hideous and sexually unattractive. When the female has an extremely large clitoris, like the size of a micro-penis, it is know as “Cyclops” or “Saber-tooth.” A Cyclops or a saber tooth is out of luck, because no man in their right mind wants to have sex with a woman whose clitoris is half the size of his penis. In fact, many of these sabertooths end up dressing as trannies and pretending to be a shemale just so they can get laid.
1. Last night, I was going down on Justine but I couldn’t get my tongue passed her mud flaps. It was like trying to stuff a hot dog inside a frozen bun.
2. In a tragic sex accident, my old college roommate suffocated underneath his girlfriend’s vagina. They met online at Mud Flaps.com. He was a proud and active off-roader for years.
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