The Monroe Transfer is a tricky move to pull off, and it involves complete trust in your sexual partner. Not to be confused with a 7 piece instrumental band from London, England, the Monroe Transfer is when two people connect their assholes together with a tube during sex. One of the people, usually the most dominate of the two, takes a gigantic, liquid shit inside the tube, which in turn transfers the fecal matter into the other person’s rectum. The reason the Monroe transfer is so difficult to pull off is because it’s so time sensitive. If one person gets nervous and bunged up, they could be waiting hours for their bowels to finally relax and unload. Sometimes it may only take a few moments, if the person happens to have eaten spicy food, a laxative, or consumed a crap load of coffee and cigarettes beforehand. Of course, there are also problems during the actual transfer part, where if the person’s fecal matter is too solid, it could take several minutes for the chunky log to travel down the tube, and even then, it may be too sturdy of a poo to enter the partner’s rectum.
Because of the difficulty of the Monroe Transfer, another related sex move involving fecal matter and 19th Century U.S. politics has also been created. Dubbed the Monroe Doctrine, after the 1823 policy that the U.S. would not meddle or interfere in any foreign or European concerns (which is clearly still firmly in place today), this sex move only involves a single person, keeping matter (fecal or otherwise) at home. In this auto-erotic move, the person masturbates alone while shoving a plastic funnel up his/her ass. At the moment of orgasm, the person attempts to shit at the same time, creating a double orgasm effect. After the fecal matter has filled the funnel, the person then drinks it; consuming everything they created on their own. In fact, it is believed that certain American Presidents have become so patriotic since 911, that many of them have started practicing the Monroe Doctrine at home. George Bush Jr. and Senior were actually reported to have tried the Monroe Transfer with each other, stating that it was neither incestuous or Gay, it was “just American.”
A similar version of The Monroe Doctrine has taken place in Canada, only instead of shitting, it involves vomit. Before masturbating, the person takes a purgative causing them to feel nauseous. The person waits until the moment of orgasm, and then vomits into a rolled up newspaper. Afterward, they drink their own vomit, or they save it in a plastic jar and use it for lube the next time they masturbate.
1. My girlfriend and I wanted to try the Monroe Transfer together, but the night before I was at a grilled cheese eating competition. The only thing I managed to shit out was a small, pea-sized turd that was so hard it rolled around like a marble inside the tube.
2. When I had sex with a Brazilian chick last winter, she thought I wanted to give her the Monroe Transfer. In reality, I just had the Norwalk virus, but didn’t want to stop having sex. She was hot!
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