Misfire is a common accident that some men suffer from, especially during their teenage years. When a man misfires, it means that they accidentally ejaculate during foreplay, making out, or just prior to intercourse. Not to be confused with being a minute man, someone who misfires doesn’t even get his weapon drawn before he shoots. At least a minute-man has a solid 60 seconds of vaginal penetration before he blows his load. Someone who misfires usually fills his pants or underwear with cum just from a brief make out, or perhaps the woman grabbed a hold of his crotch for a few second during foreplay. Either way, it’s terribly embarrassing, and completely shameful.
There are only two things a man can do to prevent this from happening. One, is to masturbate like a fiend. All day, every day. I’m not talking the average chronic masturbating, I mean the kind who has to see a therapist because he develops an addiction to porn. The reason you’re blowing your load too soon is because you’re constantly ready to erupt; always at the brink of orgasm. You’re like one of those angry black guys from 1990’s American comedies; one wrong move and you’re going to explode. The only solution is to be completely void of semen every time you find yourself in physical contact with a woman. The only way to do that is by masturbating at least 10 times a day. I know that sounds like a lot, but if you need some fodder for your wanking, I highly recommend getting some of the paid subscriptions to orgasm.com. You’ll never get bored, trust me. In a week or two, you’ll be jerking off to things you never even dreamed of before, and you’ll have life long fetishes that only a Thai hooker could satisfy.
The only other solution to misfiring is Kegel Exercises. This is by far the most difficult, boring, and tedious solution to misfiring, as it involves 6-12 months of daily training just to strengthen those invisible muscles that keep you from shitting your pants or pissing yourself. You also don’t get the benefit of picking up hot chicks at the gym, because you’re supposed to do them at home, while sitting. Apparently, you just squeeze the muscles from your bladder and bowels, hold it for 10-20 seconds, and let go. Repeat that 10-20 times a day, for half a year or so, and you might stop misfiring.
So, it’s your choice. Start masturbating ten times a day and watching all the porn you could possibly desire, or sit in a chair squeezing your ass for a few seconds multiple times a day. What sounds like more fun to you?
1. That Brazilian chick was so hot I totally misfired on the dance floor. I had to spill my drink on my pants so she didn’t notice the giant cum stain on my crotch.
2. Every time Uncle Herb drives the babysitter home, he misfires at the exact moment he gives her the money for the night. He says it reminds him of the prostitutes he use to fuck in the army.
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