A Michigan Mouthful occurs when the male ejaculates into his own hand after the completion of a blowjob or penetration of some sort, then takes the handful of cum and puts it over the woman’s mouth and holds it there until she struggles free of his grip. This is never something you should use with a one-night stand, because chances are she’ll call the cops. However, if you’ve got one of those Leanne type of girlfriends who are eager to please and easy to use, then you’re probably safe to try the Michigan Mouthful the next time she gives you head. Just make sure you whip out the video camera, because that shit will go viral in a matter of hours. To make it a little more interesting, you could wait until she falls asleep and is dreaming soundly, then masturbate into your hand and perform the same trick, only now it would be called the Elm Street Sleeper.
The history of the Michigan Mouthful is actually quite interesting, and it leads to all sorts of other ejaculation-related sex moves. Oddly enough, the Michigan Mouthful started in Boston, during the time of the Boston Tea Party. At that time, a tourist from Michigan by the name of Stan Handlebrow was visiting Boston and kept frequenting the brothels there. Apparently, he developed quite the reputation among the local prostitutes because of the strange things he liked to do with his semen after intercourse. He used to cum into a pool on the prostitutes stomach, dip his two forefingers in his cum, and then wipe them across the woman’s brow, coining it as “The Boston Brow Beater.” Luckily for him, he was a high paying customer, so very few whores complained about his strange rituals, until one night when he actually suffocated a girl by shoving a handful of cum into her mouth and plugging her nose with his thumb (the first Michigan Mouthful). He was immediately chased out of town, but along the way he managed to stop in several cities and develop quite the name for himself, and his sexual preferences.
In Arizona, he developed the “Arizona Apple,” in which he came on a piece of fruit and forced the prostitute to eat it. Similarly, in Seattle, he created the ‘Seattle Strangler,’ in which he ejaculated into an expensive silk scarf, then wrapped it tightly around the woman’s throat until she couldn’t breathe. Of course, he always untied it at the last second, and was nice enough to let her keep the scarf. Perhaps the most famous sex move created by Stand Handlebrow other than the Michigan Mouthful was the Brooklyn Balaclava, in which he ejaculated into his hand, grabbed the top of the woman’s head, and rubbed his hand all the way down her face and chin, smearing his semen and covering her from forehead to chin, resembling a white ski-mask, or balaclava.
1. When I tried to give Leanne a Michigan Mouthful, she ruined it by swallowing it all. Then she smiled up at me and asked for some more.
2. Never try to give a Mantrap cougar the Michigan Mouthful. She’ll end up stashing some of it under the pillow and trying to impregnate herself with it later.
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