menstruation
Menstruation. Considered a swear word in some cultures, and the poisonous venom of a witches’ tit in other cultures, menstruation technically refers to the periodic flow of blood, liquid, and tissue out of a woman’s vagina. It occurs once a month and lasts anywhere between 3-7 days, depending on how lucky or unlucky the woman’s husband may be. During this bloody mess, the unfertilized ovum from the uterus is expelled from the woman’s vagina, often collecting in a maxi-pad, tampon, diva cup, or facial hair of a Hell’s Angel member with his Red Wings.
There are multiple slang terms used to describe menstruation, including ‘on the rag, crimson tide, Aunt Flow, The Red Room, and The Bearded Axe Wound. Usually, when a female is menstruating, her tits become almost as sensitive as her ego, she cries uncontrollably at the slightest mention of babies, death, marriage, or her weight, and she can also fly into violent tantrums at the drop of a hat. For the lucky few, the menstruation period can be fairly modest, with little blood flow and hardly any mood swings or taut emotions. For others, though, it can be like Satan himself dove down to earth, entered her vagina, and is now sticking his head out of her labia and screaming with the power of all that is unholy in this Universe. In fact, there are numerous cases of violence committed by females, which is believed to have actually occurred while that woman was on her rag, even if the court cases claimed something different. When Lorena Bobbit cut off her husband’s dick and threw it in a cornfield, she was actually on her period, even though she claims that he came home drunk and raped her. Another famous example of period-induced rage is the episode of The Tyra Banks show where she bitches out porn star Sasha Grey simply because she refuses to be ashamed of what she does. As it turns out, Tyra has mind-blowing periods, where she gushes blood for over a week and screams at anything alive that comes near her. Another surprising example is Ayn Rand. Apparently, every single book she ever wrote was done so while she was having her period, which explains a lot.
Historically, there are also a lot of gruesome examples and interpretations of menstruation. In traditional hunter-gatherer tribes, it was believed that when females were on their periods, the entire village was notified of her ‘sacred’ and ‘special time,’ and she was not permitted to cook, clean, hunt, or have sex. She was given a nice comfortable spot in a tent, and left to sleep and rest for days until it passed. This sounds quite beautiful to most women, but in reality, the village Shamans were testing out new potions to see if they could kill the demon bleeding from inside her vagina, and the rest of the village was sharpening their knives and spears in case the woman had one of those infamous fits their ancestors had warned them about.
1. Joey could tell that Mrs. Poole was on her menstruation cycle. It wasn’t because she was bitchy; it was because her tampon string was dangling out of her skirt.
2. If you ever go down on a chick during her menstruation period, make sure you give her an orgasm. If you don’t, her vagina will swallow your head and kill you.
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