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Matroom is a special room in a house, restaurant, strip club, or hotel that is designated and set aside for group sex. Traditionally, a Matroom was filled with shag carpet, Teal Green sofas, Lava Lamps, and a massive bag of cocaine on the coffee table. These Matrooms were popular in the 1960’s, when Americans got out of their 1950’s Reagan era sexual ruts, and realized that sex was like taking psychedelic mushrooms; it’s only fun if everyone joins in! For the most part, traditional group fucks were nothing more than that; a simple yet pleasurable orgy situation with nothing too kinky. Quite often, it was simply a way for married couples to reignite their sex life, or to live out their secret fantasies of finally having sex with the hot neighbor down the street who they flirted with every morning on their way to work. Those were simpler, much more boring times.
What started off as rooms in hotels and houses where married couples would have a swingers party, or rock stars would have an orgy with a room full of groupies, soon turned into the more modern day style of Matroom. Today, matrooms often resemble UFC training rooms. They are literally layered with mats and padding, similar to those used by UFC trainers and professional wrestlers. They are often adorned with cages, straps and chains, and a large collection of whips on the wall. Instead of professional athletes, these matrooms are usually filled with 400 pound women fighting scrappy young midgets until both of them give in and start fucking each other. Or, at times, it may even include a Gimp chained to the corner, or a sex swing dangling from the center of an actual wrestling ring.
Whether or not you find yourself inside a traditional, 1960’s Matroom, or today’s modern comparison, make sure you’re not the only single one there. If you find yourself surrounded by three married couples, you’d better run, because they’re going to make you the Gimp. A friend of mine once responded to a Craigslist ad asking if anyone wanted to meet up for a fun time in a Matroom with three sexy blondes. He was missing the entire summer after that. When he finally showed up at my door a few months later, he was 50 pounds lighter, branded with a monkey symbol on his ass, and had a leather mask strapped to his face. Turns out those sexy blondes were Gay Swedish Body Builders. Needless to say, he spent the summer eating nothing but apples and getting tossed around like a preteen groupie in Justin Beiber’s dressing room.
1. Once, when I was working at a hotel in Vegas, I got to peek inside Mick Jaggers Matroom. It was filled with Mars Bars and Gatorade, and the coffee table was lined with sheets of Acid.
2. One time, I accidentally signed up for some wrestling lessons I found posted on Kijiji. I clued in pretty quickly when the Matroom was filled with dildos and nude midgets.
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