London Bridge is Falling Down is a term used for one of the worst possible things to happen during sex, second to The Lorena Bobbit. The London Bridge is a purely accidental sex act, because no man in his right mind would ever want to try it. It involves the typical stand and carry technique, when a man stands up while holding the woman as he fucks her and carries her to the next piece of furniture, or the nearest empty floor space. However, during the carrying procedure, the female loses her grip on the male, or he accidentally lets go of her, all the while his penis is still lodged in her vagina as she falls to the floor. The erect penis is so hard, that with the combined weight of the woman’s body going down, the only possible outcome is for the penis to snap. Thus, the breaking of the penis resembles the London Bridge falling down.
There is actually a similar move, called “the Twin Towers” or “911,” which essentially involves the same principal and the same accident, but with two men standing and giving the woman double penetration, both vaginally and anally, as one male stands behind her and another stands in front. Somehow, they both manage to accidentally drop her at the same time, causing both erect penises to snap simultaneously, folding in half like the towers on that fateful day. Again, this is a truly tragic sex accident, which can cause irreparable damage.
Now, I know many people out there might say, but wait, that’s not possible is it? After all, the penis is made of Cartilage, not bone. I’m here to tell you that you are wrong. The London Bridge happened to a close friend of mine a few years back, and he hasn’t been the same since. You see, my friend was a small, skinny individual with weak arms and a tiny little torso. Naturally, like all scrawny white dudes under 6 feet tall, he had a fetish for fat chicks. I mean, a serious fetish. Every time we’d all go out to the bars to try and pick up, he’d go to Dunkin Donuts or Tim Hortons, and flirt with all the locals, or the fatty behind the counter deep throating donuts in between customers. He LOVED them. Now, unfortunately, he was also one of those little guys with a ‘small man complex’ He was always trying to prove how big and tough he was, despite the fact that we all knew he was a weakling. One night, after a successful pick up at KFC, he was banging this fatso missionary style, when he got all cocky and decided he’d try the ‘stand and carry’ to try and impress her. Naturally, a 110 pound white dude with chicken legs, can’t lift a 280+ pound black chick without dropping her. Sure enough, he managed to get her off the ground, but as soon as he did, his dick snapped in half like a toothpick. He hasn’t stepped foot in a donut shop or fast food restaurant since.
1. If you ever experience the London Bridge is Falling down, the best thing you can do is ask her to perform the Lorena Bobbit. Cut it off at the breaking point, put it on ice, and get to the hospital as quickly as possible. After all, it worked for John Bobbit.
2. I accidentally dropped my girlfriend once during the stand and carry and almost had a London bridge is falling down scenario, but lucky for me, I was so drunk that I couldn’t even get an erection. It just slipped right out and she fell to the floor.
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