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Licentious is the holy grail of all sex terms. It’s the word every man hopes to hear from his date at some point during the night, but only a handful in the world ever do. Those that do get lucky enough to meet a girl who claims to be licentious, rarely ever live to tell the tale, or they just never want to be away from that girl again, so they ditch all of their friends and family and become reclusive sex addicts.
The denotative definition of licentious is as follows: having no boundaries, or lacking in moral or legal restraints and unconcerned with societal standards and norms, usually regarding sexual matters or behaviour. Now, the connotative, laymen’s terms definition for this word, is ANYTHING FUCKING GOES!! ANYTHING!!!
I mean, imagine the freedom, the impulses flashing through your mind when your date suddenly looks up at you with those bedroom eyes and giggles, “I’m a little bit licentious…I hope that’s ok.” We’re talking The Walrus, The landshark, 2 Girls One cup, rape fantasies, you in the corner watching while she gets plowed by a midget in a Dracula costume, ANYTHING your horny little heart could possibly desire.
Now, we at Orgasm.com got to thinking; what would you do? If a hot little number gave you that kind of open door policy, what demands would you make? So, we decided to take to the streets with a survey, asking this question to every male we saw passing by. To our surprise, shock, and dismay, 97% of men answered, “Blowjob.” The final three percent was divvied up between a threesome with the hot mother, The Eiffel Tower, and something in Japanese that we couldn’t pronounce, but it involves a trumpet, a single chopstick, and the freshly plucked pubic hair of a Geisha.
After our curiosity was peaked by the interviews with males, we asked females the same question. If a man said they were licentious, what would you ask them to do? 85% of women said they’d ask for a decent orgasm, 10% said they’d want double penetration from their husband’s hot best friend, and the final 5% was divided up between The Lorena Bobbit and asking the man to finally get his red wings.
Now, despite these vanilla results, licentious individuals have been trying, creating, and re-creating sexual fetishes for hundreds of years, and they’ve come up with some real ball scratchers. A self-proclaimed licentious S&M Gimp from Sweden said that he once got a blowjob from conjoined Siamese twins while he crushed up an onion, chopped it into thin lines, and snorted it at the moment of ejaculation.
A group of bloggers from Germany who claim to be licentious, gave descriptive video footage and narratives online of what looked to be some sort of tractor engine, a golf ball, and five hot blondes who loved anal. The man in the situation was holding a fencing sword and masturbating while the women sat on top of the vibrating engine and fingered each other. We’re not sure what it was called, but it definitely had no boundaries.
1. The only time I’ve ever prematurely ejaculated was when my high school sweetheart told me on prom night that not only did she want to lose her virginity, but that she was also licentious. It was the most wasted, regretful orgasm of my life.
2. Man, Sarah is such a licentious slut. She makes Leanne look like a frigid Frita.
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