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A lesbian is a woman that is sexually interested in only women. Basically, a gay woman.
Some celebrity lesbians (also known as celesbians) that are unattractive include: Rosie O’Donnell, Martina Navratilova, Ellen DeGeneres, k.d. lang, Tracy Chapman, and Lily Tomlin. These women constitute no big loss to the heterosexual community. On the other hand, some super-hot celesbians include: Lindsay Lohan, Ani Difranco, Jody Foster, Cynthia Nixon, and Portia de Rossi. On behalf of men everywhere, I’d like to ask you all to give men (specifically, me) a try, or at least ask you to start motor-boating each other more often in public.
Over the past twenty years, gay and lesbians have found more and more mainstream acceptance in most forward-thinking communities. One reason most people have begun to re-examine their attitudes regarding lesbians is because of positive media portrayals in television (‘The “L” Word’) and movies (‘Bound’, ‘Even Cowgirls Get the Blues’). Even the most stalwart homophobe has to admit that watching hot women kissing with tongues is a pretty good reason to support lesbian pride.
Lesbianism in porn has come a long way too. I remember watching some of my dad’s old porn tapes, and thinking that the lesbian scenes seemed kind of boring and unappealing (mainly due to the big 1970’s monster-bushes women used to sport). Nowadays, the lesbian scenes in porn are just as hot as, or hotter than, the heterosexual scenes. There are no dudes with their ball-sacks bouncing around to distract you from the sweet shaved pink pussies. Just beautiful big boobs and tongues and fingers and sex toys. Plus, women know how to perform cunnilingus much more expertly than a man, since they have the equipment themselves.
For my money, the best lesbians are really kinky, slutty ones that let me watch them have sex with each other while I masturbate. I haven’t met any yet, but I’ve always got my eyes, and my fly, open.
They’re here, they’re queer, get used to it!
1. I was hitting on Angelique all night, and even though she let me buy her seven martinis, she still wouldn’t give me her number. I asked her brother what I was doing wrong, and he told me that she has been a lesbian since high school. I was pretty mad about her using me to buy her drinks all night and leading me on, so I kidnapped her cat. To this day, I still tell people I “got her pussy”, and let them think I fucked her.
2. Mary realized she was a lesbian the day she was at the beach and saw a gorgeous, young, seventeen year old blonde girl walk by in a bikini. She felt very warm, and then had an orgasm right there on her beach towel, without even touching herself. The rest of the nuns wondered why she was moaning, and she explained that she had been touched by God. She quit the convent the next day and joined a softball league.
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